Musings

The craziest weekend of life

2010-03-14T18:40:00.003-03:00

This Saturday was the annual SAN Banquet. SAN (the Society of All Nations) is a student group that I've been involved with ever since I came to Mount A. Last year I was the secretary of SAN and so, as part of the executive, I helped organise events through the year and the SAN Banquet in particular. This year there was no one else on campus who was particularly interested in taking on SAN again, and since I was on the exec last year, I agreed to do it.

Mount A students have developed the unfortunate reputation of being apathetic but what is often overlooked is the fact that there is an almost obscene wealth of things for students to do here. So while it's occasionally difficult to find volunteers for some events, it seems that the only reason for it is because they're involved in eight other things already. I think that's the problem that SAN ran into this year. SAN has tagged itself as an organisation that aims to facilitate cross-cultural understanding and interaction ... whatever that means. Ten years ago when SAN started, that might have been something that was needed at Mount A - today, SAN is almost obsolete. And that's not a bad thing. There are so, so many groups on campus that in one way or another meet the needs of students who might otherwise be involved in SAN, and there just isn't any interest.

But, people have grown accustomed to the annual Banquet and come second term, people start asking, "But who's going to do the SAN Banquet this year?" Well ... me, of course. So I rooted out two old SAN members to be on my exec and we started to plan the Banquet. The Banquet is dinner for about 300 people with food from around the world cooked by students and performances by students. It relies entirely on finding enough people who are willing and able to help. By Wednesday last week I was having kittens about how little interest we'd had from people wanting to volunteer, how few tickets we'd sold, and how late our posters had gone up. On Thursday I had a meeting for all the people who'd volunteered and an astounding 20 or 25 people showed up. These people turned out to be my angels.

On Friday I went to Jennings Hall, the university meal hall where we were going to cook all the food and hold the Banquet. I arrived just before my volunteers did at 7:00, and we started on what was to be a very, very long 28-odd hours of work verging occasionally on frenzy. From 7:00 to around 11:15 we chopped, peeled, diced, stirred, mixed, julienned ... and when we left, most of the cooking for a 300 person dinner was done.

On Saturday afternoon I was back at Jennings at 2:00 and I didn't leave till about 10:30 that night. My cooking volunteers showed up on time and while there was a short period when I was really worried things weren't going to come together, it all worked out excellently. I haven't ever seen such efficiency before. I guess I just lucked out and got a great group of people willing to help. They didn't need prodding or anything further than preliminary instructions. They were totally together and organised and if it wasn't for them, this event would have been a spectacular disaster.

Nathan and Noah, my roommates, graciously agreed to be the MCs for the night and they were great. They went with an awkward-is-funny approach to the whole thing that worked really well.

Most people had left by about 9:00, we were done cleaning at about 10:15, and I was out the door at 10:30 ish. I have never been so tired. I got home, waited for my roommates to take their excited, drunken selves out, and I went to sleep ... for 12 solid hours.

It was quite the event, the SAN Banquet. Nathan kindly reminded me last night that while the memory of the stress might fade quickly, this isn't something that I should do again. Trust me. It's not. I think I've done my bit. Next year the Banquet can be someone else's problem. I can already feel the post-stress snivels coming. It's almost like my body's saying, "Oh, the Banquet's over? Right. Here's that cold you've been staving off for the past two weeks."

It was definitely a good experience, though. I now know that I never want to go into logistics as a profession. I got nothing but compliments about how good the food was and how smoothly the event went. Even though we didn't manage to publicise it as well as we usually do, we had lots of people come out. It was actually really, really good.

Oh, and did I mention that I said "douche" during a speech to 200 people? Yep. That happened.

Here's a song that I listened to on my walk home from Jennings last night across a darkened campus and quiet town with all sorts of emotions running through me.

Of road trips, ink, and Indian food ...

2010-02-22T20:29:00.007-04:00

It's been so long since I last blogged that it's almost funny. Every time I tell my roommates I'm going to blog they laugh at me because they're sure that I won't. They've been right so far, but not any more. I am turning a new cyber leaf and I will start to blog again regularly. I promise!

Much has happened since the last time I wrote. The first semester of my third year at Mt A ended, I decided to stay on another year at Mt A to do research with a prof in the Biology department, my living situation with my roommates has grown better and better with every passing week, and I am now in the middle of what might be the best of my six semesters at university.

What spurred me to blog today of all days was the fact that I have had one of the most typically "university" weekends of my time at Mt A. One of my roommates is visiting her sister in Montreal so it's just the four of us: Nathan, Noah, Rhiana, and me. Spring break started on Friday and we've been making the most of it so far.

On Friday night we started the night off by having a bunch of friends over at our place, we eventually moved to Ducky's (a bar) downtown, and then a few of us moved from there to the university Pub later in the night. We ended the night back at our apartment playing guitar until 3:00 am.

On Saturday afternoon when we had finally dragged ourselves out of bed, we started an epic Lord of the Rings movie marathon. We were a quarter of the way through the third movie ('The Return of the King') by about 9:00 that night when we went to Ducky's again for a few beers with friends. We ended up being 'that' table. You know, the ones that are loud and are clearly having the most fun of anyone in the bar. We spent our entire time there making fun of each other, telling stories, and for a few very special minutes, listening to Nathan and Noah make gibbon noises at Rhiana. At about midnight we headed home via a pizza place and watched another quarter of 'the Return of the King' until various people fell asleep.

On Sunday morning (well, to be fair it was more like afternoon), we watched the last half of 'The Return of the King' and spent the rest of the day streaming live coverage of the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics streaming off the internet. One of my roommates and I went down to a cute little cafe we have in town to read for a couple of hours before we came back to watch what was apparently the single biggest sporting program in Canadian history: a Canada vs. USA Olympic hockey game. We had three Canadians (Nathan, Rhiana, and our buddy Mark), an American (Noah), and an Indian (me) watching and it was an interesting dynamic. I figured I could look at the game as either, "I don't care" or, "I get to win no matter what", and I picked the latter. Canada lost 3 to 5 and I am certain there were many Canadian hearts broken. It was a great game.

This morning (Monday) we decided to rent a car for the day. Because none of us have cars or easy access to cars, a lot of things get put off because they're a pain to do without transportation. But with the rented car (which we haven't been old enough to get until this year) it was easy and we were able to make a day-trip of it. The first thing on our list was taking all our empty alcohol and pop cans and bottles up to the recycling place they have in town. We've been accumulating these for a few months now and we had a rather impressive stash. There were: 16 dozen beer bottles, a multitude of wine bottles, and a substantial number of cans, and we ended up getting $26.30 back for all of it. The next thing was a trip to Moncton, the biggest city near by. The trip was largely for my roommate Nathan's benefit because he is 6"8' and has a very hard time finding clothes his size at normal stores. Rhiana and I also made an appointment to get tattoos which was pretty exciting. It was Rhiana's first and my second and I think we took it like champs. We ended our trip to Moncton with dinner at an Indian restaurant and then headed home.

Rhiana and I just watched Mulan and, despite the fact that it's only 10:40, it feels more like 2:00. So I think I'm going to head to bed and actually wake up early and start getting some work done tomorrow.

I'll leave you with a song we put on the sweet road trip mix we made for our drive to Moncton.

2009-11-05T21:28:00.003-04:00

This semester is just rolling along and the days and weeks are passing in a blur. The only way to mark time is to keep track of the many due dates and xkcd posts (xkcd.com - it's awesome, trust me) that are guiding me towards the end of this semester and the brief two weeks we get off for Christmas. Just a few weeks ago I was holed up in Bridge Street Cafe (our quaint, and only, cafe in Sackville) studying from open to close and pumping myself full of that great drink of champions, peppermint tea. I wrote three midterms in two days, had just enough time to catch up on lost sleep, and I was back with my nose to the grindstone churning out the next set of papers and assignments. I feel like things are falling out of my head as fast as I can force them in and I can barely remember the theory I studied for a test a day after I've written it. And I'm not the only one. This seems to be a problem that plagues most students I've spoken to. I know this is what we're here for, but surely there's a better way?

Luckily I have some semblance of a life outside of school. I was on a softball team for the first part of the semester and we ended up winning the intramurals tournament. I'm now on a volleyball team that looks extremely promising and I look forward to the distraction that our games provide.

Every Thursday my roommate Rhiana and I meet and go over to our friends' place to take their puppy Isabella out for a walk. There is no single greater joy than having a puppy shower unconditional love on you after a long and tiring week and Izzy is by far the biggest ray of sunshine in my life right now.

My roommates and I have redecorated our apartment to make it look like much more of a home. There are plants in the living room, the furniture has been rearranged, and we found paintings and photographs for the walls.We also just signed a lease to stay on in this apartment for next year. For the first time in the three years that I've been at Mt A I feel like I finally have a home. My two rooms in Thornton and even this room so far this year have been fine, and I've definitely made them my own space, but there was always an air of impermanence to the whole thing. Now I know that I'm going to be here in this apartment till April 2011, I can really put roots down. It's a good feeling. I think people sometimes underestimate the bizarre situation that university students are in where they are always in limbo, always waiting for the next thing to come along, never really settling down.

Halloween was last weekend and I finally bit the bullet and let my friends dress me up as Princess Jasmine from Aladdin. Halloween isn't something we do in India and so I've always felt like a bit of an idiot having to dress up for it. The last two years I've put absolutely no effort into it, had awful or non-existent costumes, and managed to get by without too much trouble. This year my roommate Cate is all about costumes and I was almost doing her a favour by letting her work on mine. What I feel about it comes down to the fact that I don't care enough to put time into working on a costume when I have so many other more important things to be doing. But hey, if someone wants to make a costume for me, that's great! And that's exactly what happened. Cate made the perfect hair band, worked out a pretty fantastic hair piece, I put on some voluminous 'hippie' pants and matching top (acquired years apart those two pieces of clothing are made of exactly the same material and the serendipity of it all bewilders me), and got all Jas(min)ed up. Cate dressed as Marie Antoinette;Noah was a panda; Nathan glued a cereal box to his chest, stabbed a knife through it and went as a 'Cereal Killer'; and Rhiana dressed up as Cleopatra. Once we were all decked out I ended up feeling really good about it and I have a feeling the whole incident will make me much less negative about Halloween next year. Yay for cultural assimilation!

In other news, it appears that the plague (the dreaded Swine Flu) has hit Mt A. I'm surprised it's taken so long and I'm sure we'll come through it fine. I was talking to someone today about it and we decided it's good that it has a fancy name because it means that professors are being far more considerate about students having to miss class than usual. One just has to say the words and profs are practically begging students not to come to class and are going out of their way to make sure students don't miss anything. So far, I've seen a few friends go down with the flu and my classes are slowly losing people, but it's not looking too bad. In fact, I had a class canceled today and I'm completely fine with that. I did stay up half the night to write a paper for his class, but class being canceled meant that I took a sweet nap this afternoon which made everything better. And the best part of this whole thing is that I haven't been hit by the plague yet. I have a bit of a cough that bothers me most when I'm out in the cold, but that's about it.

I'm in a strange, nostalgic, homesick sort of mood this evening. I visited a friend who's also down with the flu and we ended up talking about music while he messed around on his guitar. At some point James Taylor and his song 'Carolina in My Mind' came up. I love James Taylor. His songs make me think of my parents and I realised after talking about it that I didn't actually have any James Taylor on my computer. So as soon as I got home, I got to work finding the songs that I liked and downloading a couple of classic albums. I've now listened to all of them a couple of times and put together an 'Oldies' playlist on iTunes. Paul Simon, the Eagles, America, James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell, Billy Joel, John Denver ... all good stuff. It's definitely taking the edge of this whole homesickness thing. It's not something that happens to me very often since I rather enjoy my life at university, but if I were at home, I'd be listening to this music all the time and listening to it now made me miss it.

It's now 10:00 and I just might - for the first time this semester - curl up in bed with a book and read till I want to go to sleep. I started off the evening with the full intention of getting some reading done and a paper written, but I was feeling way too mellow and distracted. Plus, after the way-more-than-I-bargained-for excitement of Halloween, I think I'm going to have a quiet weekend that shall be spent at Bridge Street with more peppermint tea as I begin to slowly chip away at the massive papers I have due at the end of this semester.

Stay well, good readers. Remember to wash your hands and don't forget the awesome arm-sneeze/cough (as opposed to the hand-sneeze/cough) that Mt A is rocking so hard.

And because it's my feel-good song of the night, here's an awesome live version of James Taylor singing his song, 'Fire and Rain'.

India Coming Out?

2009-10-22T21:21:00.004-03:00

Hi folks! I'm going to cheat a little bit this week and instead of writing something new, I'm going to share something I wrote for the Argosy (our student newspaper) this week, instead. The Argosy is a fantastic publication that I look forward to every week. Sometimes the writing is poor, sometimes the stories are weak, but we at Mt A love it regardless. And this week I get to be part of it. For all of my Mt A readers, chances are you skipped my section and now you can't avoid it. And for all you non-Mt A folk, you get a sweet article! So here it is:

Last week Canada, the

, and a number of European countries celebrated ‘Coming Out Week’. Catalyst – Mt A’s LGBT alliance on campus – invited the university community to participate in the celebrations and discussions surrounding LGBT issues. Having grown up in India – a strongly heteronormative society – the open expression and discussion of LGBT issues is not something I’ve seen often. As a nation India is still wrestling with these issues and only recently have people begun to speak up and speak out against the archaic laws and policies the Indian Penal Code outlines.

The widespread discomfort surrounding these issues is not exclusive to LGBT issues; talking openly about sex and sexuality in any context is enough to mortify the average Indian. This societal awkwardness is apparent at the level of both general society and the government. All of this seems rather ironic given that India is home to the ancient traditions of the Kama Sutra and Tantra, but things are changing for the better.

In 1996, Indian-born Canadian film director and screenwriter Deepa Mehta, released Fire, the first film in her Elements trilogy (the film was not released in India until 1998). Fire is set in India and was the first Indian film to explicitly depict homosexual relations. Its release in India was met with wide-spread and often violent protests by right-wing Hindu groups, though this isn’t to say that conservative Hindus are the only people in India opposed to open expression of (homo)sexuality. Forcing the issue into the public eye, Deepa Mehta spurred a wider debate around homosexuality and freedom of speech in the country.

Barkha Dutt, an award winning journalist for one of India’s leading news channels, NDTV, furthered the LGBT discourse in India by addressing LGBT issues, sexuality, and intolerance on her weekly audience-driven show We the People. Dutt and her colleagues in Indian journalism are finally bringing these issues out into the open and challenging the nation’s outdated societal norms and taboos.

Drafted by Lord Macaulay in 1861, the Indian Penal Cold (IPC) is a powerful piece of legislation, a code to which all subjects of the British Empire in India (those of both Indian and British origin) would be held accountable. Notable within this code is Section 377 – an archaic clause that criminalises sexual activity deemed to be “against the order of nature,” a crime punishable at the very least by a substantial fine or at worst by life imprisonment. Nearly 150 years after its inception, the law has finally been challenged. The issue was first brought to the High Court in 2001 in a public interest litigation demanding the legalisation of consensual homosexual intercourse, and in a surprisingly short eight years, it has made it through the tangle of Indian bureaucracy. In its historic decision on July 2, 2009, the Delhi High Court amended Section 377 of the IPC so as to decriminalise homosexual activity among consenting adults. A transcript of the 105-page judgement is available online via the District Courts of India Judgement Information System. The judgement reads,

“If there is one constitutional tenet that can be said to be underlying theme of the Indian Constitution, it is that of 'inclusiveness' … Those perceived by the majority as “deviants' or 'different' are not on that score excluded or ostracised.

In our view, Indian Constitutional law does not permit the satutory criminal law to be held captive by populat misconceptions of who the LGBTs are. It cannot be forgotten that discrimination is the antithesis of equality and that it is the recognition of equality which will foster the dignity of every individual."

The battle isn’t over yet. The amendment has been passed in the High Court but it will be appealed to Supreme Court and has already met with huge opposition from a range of political groups, including the Ministry of Home Affairs and a far-right political party, the Shiv Sena. The fact that the amendment passed through the High Court at all is a sign, however, that the Indian psyche is moving into an era of enlightenment and freethinking. People of our generation in India will soon begin to establish groups like Catalyst and the thousands of others like it and they will continue to challenge our government and our society to broaden its mind. Sixty-two years after Independence, the decision made by the Delhi High Court was one of many steps signaling the beginning of a new period in India’s growth and it bodes well for India as an emerging force in the global arena.

Getting Back Into It

2009-10-12T12:37:00.003-03:00

It's been close to three months since I last blogged. Things started to happen and I just didn't find the time. I'm using this blog as a segue way into blogging regularly again. But here's a bit of a summary of all that's happened since my last post.

When I last wrote my family was soon to head out on a epic trip all across India. We were first in a city called Ahmednagar for a week running a field trip for a group of American high school students. The work was based in an organisation called Snehalaya which works with people affected with AIDS/HIV. This includes sex workers, children of sex workers, and children orphaned by AIDS. The trip was dedicated to learning about AIDS/HIV in a biological context as well as a social context so we had classroom-based discussions about the disease as well as visits to NGOs, brothels, and social workers. The trip was in parts shocking and heartbreaking, but it was also wonderful to see the kind of work that is going into this area and the immense strength that many of the women and children showed despite the huge odds they're up against.

From Ahmednagar we traveled on to New Delhi to meet a second group of students. This trip took us from Delhi to Dharamsala. In 1959 when the Tibetan people were forced to flee Tibet at the time of the Chinese invasion, India gave them refuge and allowed them to settle in Dharamsala and establish their Government in Exile there in 1960. Today that is where the Dalai Lama has his residence and is essentially the home of the Tibetan people in exile. Dharamsala is known as "Little Lhasa", after the name of the capital city in Tibet. We spent some days in Dharamsala exploring Tibetan culture, medicine, language, and Tibetan Buddhism. We headed back to Delhi via another town called Dalhousie and ended the academic portion of the trip. We were in Delhi for a short time and then drove to Agra to see the Taj Mahal. We were in Agra for a day and before returning to Delhi. My family stayed in Delhi a few days after the students flew out and then got the train back to Kodai. That took almost an entire month and by the time we were back, it was August 17th and I was leaving for Sackville in two weeks. On the left is map of where my travels took me.

I spent the my last two weeks meeting all the people I needed to say bye to, doing all the last-minute shopping I needed, and organising my things.

I flew out of Chennai on the 5th of September at 1:00 am. I flew Chennai-Frankfurt-Montreal-Halifax and it took me over 24 hours. I arrived in Halifax at 4:00 pm on the 5th. I got a shuttle bus from the airport to the city and checked in at a hostel on Gottigen St - the sketchiest part of Halifax, as far as I'd been told. I had a sleepless night because I was terrified I wasn't going to wake up to get my cab at 6:30 to the bus terminal and that I would miss my bus. It turns out that everything went fine and I was in Sackville at 10:30 am on the 6th morning and Nathan and Victoria were waiting for me with Vic's car. I was thrilled to be back in Sackville. I missed it very much this summer.

Rhiana, Cate and Noah were waiting for me when I got to our apartment with Nathan and from then on, it was just like being home. That was Sunday and school started on Tuesday. I just about managed to get unpacked by Monday night and being back in classes so soon after arriving was a bit of a shock. This semester definitely started at an insane pace and has hardly let up since it started, but I'm generally enjoying the classes I'm taking and most of my profs are great.

Our apartment situation is also going incredibly well. Nathan, Rhiana, Noah, Cate and I are good friends and living together is very easy. It's been everything and more than I hoped it would be and it turns out that my apprehension was completely unwarranted.

I'm part of a number of student groups this semester and they're all keeping me fairly busy. I'm running SAN - the Society of All Nations, and I'm part of EcoAction and Unicef Mt A. It's a really interesting range of activities because they're all very different and I get to work with completely different groups of students on completely different projects. It's going to be a lot of fun, if a bit hectic.

I was on a field trip on the weekend of the 2nd of October to St Andrews, a town right on the border of New Brunswick and Maine in the US. The trip was for my Marine Biology class and we were studying intertidal zones and the plants and invertebrate animals found there. The trip was a lot of fun and great experience in data collection in the field. We were up at 5:00 am one morning so that we could be down on the beach at 6:00. We were out sampling for about two hours and then we headed straight to the lab to begin keying out and identifying our samples and recording all our data. We were on the beach again for the second low tide that evening and again, once we were done, we went straight to the lab to identify our samples and record our data. We ended the night by taking our aquarium of creatures back down to the beach near our lab and releasing them back into the ocean. It was a great experience and I got to see all kinds of neat stuff like starfish, sea urchins, sponges, sea anemones, crabs, mussels, barnacles, limpets, little shrimp-like creatures, a variety of gross worms, and one group saw a nudibranch but I (heartbreakingly) didn't manage to find one myself. It was a great reminder of why I love biology so much.

This weekend is Thanksgiving and Nathan and I drove to PEI with our friend Stephen to spend the weekend with him and his family. It was one of the most relaxing weekends I've had in a long time and it was absolutely lovely. I've been to PEI before but I didn't really get to see much of the island so it was great having Stephen to show us around since he grew up in PEI and gave us an insider's view of Charlottetown. The first night we wandered around the downtown area and looked a all the great old buildings, bought books at a used book store, had dinner at a great placed followed by drinks at this sweet Scotch lounge. We ended the night with a long walk on the boardwalk on the bay. We spent the next day trying to get work done and had a really nice Thanksgiving dinner. Yesterday we drove out to the beach and wandered around and then went back into town. We walked around Province House with Stephen giving us the grand tour, got ice cream at 'Cows' which is famous in PEI, and then drove around the downtown a bit. We left PEI at around 6:00 and we were back in Sackville by 7:30.

Today is Thanksgiving proper and we're having a massive potluck this evening. Nathan's in the process of basting the turkey, Rhiana made pumpkin cheese cake, Cate's making chicken pot pie, and Noah and I'll be doing veggies and mashed potatoes later. We have about 14 people who we're expecting over and we'll probably get a few other people who show up and it's going to be great.

And that's essentially all that's happened to me since I last wrote. I should be writing more often from now on. Happy Thanksgiving, folks! I'll check in again soon.

Kodaikanal: PT Road, 3:30 pm, 19th July 2009

2009-07-22T06:40:00.003-03:00

I thought I'd try something a little different for the next little while. I'm going to be out of Kodai doing new things and going new places, and maybe I should tell my stories in a new way. For as long as I can keep it up, I'll give you little snap-shots of my life. Glimpses of the places I've been and the things I saw that have in some way moved me. It also gives me a chance to write in a way that "Today I did this and this and this ..." doesn't quite do. Bare with me. I've been writing this blog for two years and I need to try new ways of expressing myself.

Anyway. Here goes:

I can't remember the last time I've been in town on a Sunday. It's not for lack of opportunities but that's just how it goes. Life falls into a rhythm, we get into our comfortable grooves, and interesting things stop happening.

I'm waiting and watching the world go by. From my vantage point I can see up and down the street and, except for an occasional pair of eyes that strays up to look back at me, I remain unnoticed. It's about to rain but the people milling around below me seem oblivious.

A man has arranged the school bags he's selling in a circle. In the middle of the circle is a stick of incense burning slowly down to its base. He's sitting next to the bags occasionally getting up to dust one or adjust another - but like me, he mostly watches.

A man and his wife are selling grapes. When the last bunch has been exchanged for payment, he beings to clear away his things. He sits down and counts the money he has earned that day. Soon an old man appears at his side - I presume it's his father. The family continues to pack away their make-shift stall: they fold the tarp, clean up the boxes and packing paper, and carry away the cot they were using to display the fruit on. In a few minutes' time, they have left nothing but bare ground behind them.

People come to his stall in a steady stream. He digs among the piles of jeans and trousers he has and pulls out just the right item to show his customer. He seems to know where everything is and he never hesitates. But no one buys anything. I wonder what he's thinking.

Occasionally a car drives through the surging mass of people. There's a feeling that the cars are unwelcome and the people move reluctatntly aside as the horns urge them out of the way. They part like water before the prow of a ship and then they slip back into place, showing no sign of the disturbance that had moved them seconds before.

A man is sweeping the ground in front of his stall. When he's finished he walks over to the neighbouring stall and tosses the broom onto a pile of others. The woman selling them shows no indication that she is bothered by him using her broom. She ignores him and continues her conversation with a passer-by.

A man and his wife walk past with their three daughters. There doesn't seem to be more than two years separating each child; the youngest is no older than two. Does the father feel sorry that he has no sons? Does the mother feel guilt?

Across the street a vegetable vendor answers her cell phone. Her display of produce is modest, but neatly arranged. I smile at the apparent irony of India: cell phones in the hands of those who didn't go to school and whose children may never go to school either.

The noise dominates. It is the sound of many voices speaking at once: people chatting with friends, old women haggling over a few rupees, fruit sellers calling attention to their yellow mangoes and foam-packed apples. Soon the noise seems to form more of a background to the sights and smells, colours and movements that make up this moment of pure, unadulterated life.

2009-07-19T04:08:00.005-03:00

I have a funny feeling in my chest today. Maybe it's because of all this traveling that's ahead of me. I feel like it isn't. Part 2 of my summer break is over. There's change in the air ...

This summer has been good for me. It has been full of fairly high highs and some very low lows, but I feel like I've been slowly transformed by it. I've learned things about myself that weren't obvious before. It's interesting how different things become clear depending on the context in which they're placed. It's sort of like when you have a favourite book that you read every few years. Every time you read it, certain phrases will pop out at you in a way they didn't before, you'll learn different things and take away new meanings. Coming back to India this summer was like having to confront an image of the person I was when I left, and having to reconcile it when the person that I am now.

Tonight my parents, my brother and I are leaving town for just under a month. My mum is the director of a company (India Educational Tours) that runs fieldtrips for (often IB) students from all over the world. Between now and when we come back in August, there'll be two fieldtrips - one in Ahmednagar (about 200 km west of Bombay) and one in Dharamsala (about 200 km north east of Lahore, Pakistan and the same distance west of Tibet). Between the two trips, we're going to be out of Kodai for almost a month. It's a tiring thought, and my brother and I made a feeble appeal to be allowed to stay behind, but it's too late for that. A friend told me to imagine that it's an episode of Survivor. I hope it won't be too bad. It's just going to be a lot of buses, trains, unfamilar beds, and living out of a bag. And when we come back, I'll only have two weeks left in India before I head back to Sackville.

My brother ended up coming back to India. We weren't planning on having him back this summer but things changed and it turned out that he was going to be saving a lot of money by coming back, rather than saying in Daytona (Florida). He's probably going to be here a month longer than me.

I'm not sure what my internet access will be like when I'm gone, but I'm going to try and blog if I can. I might have more interesting things to write about when we're traipsing around the country, than here in Kodai. As much as I love being in Kodai, it doesn't provide much material for interesting blogs.

I had another post in mind for tonight but I have to pack still, so I'm going to stop. I'll save it for another day.

Till later ...

Pictures

2009-07-08T09:09:00.002-03:00

Here's the link I promised. Someone leave a comment if you can't see them. I'm pretty sure it's a public album, but who knows .

http://picasaweb.google.com/ashra.kolhatkar/HomeHousePuppiesKittensAndShades#

Of Elephant Rides and Identity Crises

2009-07-08T08:45:00.005-03:00

I just got back from my visit with Noah in Mysore. It was a good trip. We got to catch up on stories of our respective summers, news about our other friends, gossip from Sackville, and we talked a lot about plans for next year when we'll be living together. I'm about half-way through the summer and I don't think this trip could have been timed better. I gave me a break from life at home and Kodai as well as a chance to touch base with the other (probably more than) half of my life in Sackville.

The trip had a perfect mix of going out, sitting around and talking, and doing stuff on our own. I went to most of the classes with Noah and that was nice because I got to sit and listen without any pressure of having to remember what I heard or worry about taking notes or anything. I can't remember the last time I had a classroom experience like that. Some of their professors and guest speakers were extremely impressive I learned a lot. I spent most of the afternoons reading, watching movies, or napping. I spend a lot of my time on my own here in Kodai and I definitely needed that time in Mysore, too. As did Noah, I'm sure. We spent the late afternoons and evenings going out and doing things. We went out with the whole group a few times as well as just Noah and me going out on our own for drinks or walks.

We all went out for dinner on the 1st of July which is Canada Day. I thought it was pretty funny to be back in India, visiting my American friend, with a group of Canadians celebrating Canada Day. Wikipedia says, Canada day is "Canada's national day, a federal statutory holiday celebrating the anniversary of the 1 July 1867 enactment of the British North American Act, which united Canada as a single country, which was in turn composed of four provinces [Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Quebec and Ontario]. Canada Day observances take place throughout Canada as well as internationally." Internationally is right! Thankfully we didn't go so far as to signing 'O Canada' or something like that. I don't even know the words ...

On Sunday we decided to go to the Mysore Palace. Since group is in their last two weeks in Mysore most of them decided to stay at the hostel and write papers and as a result only five of us went to the Palace: Noah, Louisa, and Louisa's parents Dr Strain and Michelle. The entire Palace is covered in light bulbs and on Sundays at 7:00 they light up for an hour. Seeing the Palace illuminated against the darkening sky is quite spectacular. We went around 4:30 to see the Palace during the day as well as to see if we could find an elephant so that Louisa could fulfill one of her biggest "When I'm in India" wishes which was to ride an elephant. We found an elephant, bought four tickets (Noah, Louisa, Michelle and myself; Dr Strain opted out and took pictures and a video of us instead). I asked the Mahut (the guy who 'drives' it) what it's name was and he said that her name was Raji and that she was 18 years old. The guys who run the rides took the cameras that we had and took pictures for us. They also gave each of us a chance to climb onto her neck so that we could get a picture of us 'riding' her. I thought about it and I've concluded that the 15 minutes I spent on top of Raji were about the most touristy 15 minutes of my life. It took me a while to stop feeling silly about being there in the first place but unless I had been with four foreigners in India, I don't think I would have ever ridden an elephant. Two thoughts made me feel less stupid: 1) "None of you know me, so whatever." (Anonymity is an excellent cure for embarrassment) and 2) "Suck it! Have any of you ever ridden an elephant?!" In the end, it was a pretty sweet experience.

Noah and me at the Palace. This is the only picture of us together from the trip and I insisted that we take it so that we had evidence that I was actually in Mysore.

The Palace light up. Under the third arch from the left is a police band playing Western concert music - I thought that was pretty cool.

But, all these things aside, my most prominent experiences in Mysore can be summed up with two words: basically Indian. For Noah and Dr Strain and the rest of the people on the trip, I sort of became the local expert on Indian culture and any time someone had a question about why Indians did something, or what a word meant, or what went into an Indian dish with an unpronounceable name, they asked me. But it soon became very apparent that the way they saw me, and the way other Indians saw me were completely different. For example:

One evening we all got taken out to dinner to a fancy place by their professor Dr Rao. All of us were sitting at one end of the table and whenever anyone had a question about what Aloo Gobi or Saag Gosht or Palak Paneer were, they asked me. When I was telling the waiter what we wanted, he kept telling me what was in each dish after I said the name; it was obvious that he thought that I would have as little idea about what I was ordering as the rest of the group.

When we were at the Palace we bought tickets to go in. The entrance fee is Rs 20 for Indians and Rs 200 for foreigners. I wasn't sure if the ticket seller would believe me if I said I was Indian and since I didn't have any ID on me, I didn't stand in line with Noah and the rest but instead waited a bit and went amongst a group of Indians. The guy at the counter looked at me when I stepped up and asked with mild skepticism, "You're Indian?" When I said yes he made a vague noise and handed me my ticket. Later, when we were getting ready for the elephant ride, the guy asked Noah how many people were going. Noah said, "Three foreigners and one Indian." The guy looked at me, pointed, and asks with a laugh in his voice, "You're Indian?" When I said yes he burst out laughing.

On another day we went to a home for destitute women called Shakti Dhamma. When we first arrived we stood around a bit awkwardly with the woman who runs the home while Dr Strain introduced us and told her where we were from. When we got to me and Dr Strain explained that I'm Indian but I study at Mount A in Canada she woman says, "So you're basically Indian?" I said yes and she says in a somewhat triumphant tone, "I could tell!" I smiled and said nothing but I was thinking, "What tipped you off? Maybe the brown skin?" We spent about two hours there, most of which time we spent sitting on the floor in small groups and talking to the women. I ended up using what little Tamil and Hindi I know to talk to a few of the ladies. When we were leaving a girl who is a law student and is working at Shakti Dhamma as an intern for the summer came over to me and asks, "So ... you're basically Indian?" I was speechless. Her too? Why do people keep saying that? Basically Indian? What does that even mean?!

So now, people can't understand what I'm saying, they assume I don't know what I'm eating, I get suspicious looks when I say I'm Indian, people think it's hilarious when they find out I am, and I'm - apparently - only basically Indian. I try and make myself feel better by saying that I only got these reactions because I was with a group of foreigners and they just figured I was one of them. I mean, NRIs (Non-Resident Indians) aren't uncommon any more. To an extent that's actually the truth ... but not the full extent. You know how Asian people are sometimes called Twinkies - yellow on the outside and white on the inside? What am I ... a Bounty? Brown on the outside, white on the inside? God. I sincerely hope not. I certainly don't feel white on the inside. Regardless, my crisis continues. Maybe the problem isn't with me but rather with other Indians. Just because I speak English and wear jeans, why does that make me less Indian than a woman who only speaks Hindi or Tamil and only wears saris? What defines Indian?

It's just so bizarre. The bus incident was funny but this is starting to get a bit out of control. I guess I still have a lot of figuring out to do ...

The Bus Incident

2009-06-15T03:41:00.011-03:00

I had a funny experience in a bus the other day. I was going to visit a friend who lives bit of a ways out of town and I had to take a bus to get there. I wasn't quite sure which bus to take so I asked someone. The man told me to wait and pointed me in the right direction when my bus arrived. My Tamil isn't fantastic but I get by without too many issues - usually. When the ticket collector got to me I told him that the stop I was going to was 'Nadar Shed' ('Nadar' being the name of a large and wealthy family that owns a lot of land in that area, and 'Shed' because I think there's a large shed across the road from the bus stop that's used to store harvests of produce - like carrots, pears and plums - that come off this family's farms). When I told him that I wanted to go to Nadar Shed, he looked at me completely blankly and then told me that he had no idea what I was saying. So I said it again, "Nadar Shed!" And again he looked nonplussed. So I said it a third time, "Nadar Shed!!" Finally he gave up and called over a more senior man who was the conductor. The conductor came over and asked me in a kindly, sympathetic sort of way where I wanted to go. I was feeling a little bit flustered and embarrassed by this time since the conversation had attracted a fair amount of attention from the other people on the bus, but I said - for the fourth time - "Nadar Shed". The conductor understood me and says to the young ticket collector "Nadar Shed", in what I thought was exactly the same pronunciation in which I had said it. I could see that this time the ticket collector had understood and, while handing over my ticket, he looks at me as if to say, "Well why didn't you say that the first time?!" I giggled to myself about the incident all the way to my infamous stop.

The more I thought about the whole Nadar Shed incident, the more I realized that it's a very clear commentary on my life as it is right now. When I'm in Canada, I have a Canadian accent that my parents tease me about but that also ensures that I'm understood. And even then I find the odd person who simply doesn't have a clue what I'm saying. And now that I'm back in India - which I had thought with absolute certainty is my home - I'm being faced with similarly blank expressions. It seems that I'm as foreign in my own country as I am when I'm abroad. It's a bit strange, to say the least.

My non-Indianness extends further, I suppose. The only language I speak fluently is English. Of the Indian languages open to me, I speak Tamil and Hindi to an extent that allows me to function but does nothing to hide the fact that I am uncomfortable speaking anything but English. I stick out like a sore thumb to hawkers and vendors on Indian streets because I look and sound like someone who lives abroad and has tons of dollars to spend. I guess that for the moment I just don't know whether I'm coming or going ...

Anyway. More on that later, I suppose. In other news: I had a fairly ok time visiting family last week. We were out of Kodai for 10 days and it went by quickly. It's 30 hours by train to Pune (pronounced Pu-nay with a short u sound and is also known as "Poona") and we got in at 1:00 am or there abouts on Sunday morning. We went straight to my grandparents' place, spent the night, and left shortly after breakfast. It was a 2 and a half hour bus ride to Ahmednagar (Ah-mudh-nugurh also with short u sounds; "Nagar" for short) where my mum's sister and her family live. My mum's two elderly aunts are also living there at the moment. So with me, my mum, dad, aunt, uncle, cousin, two grand aunts, a cat, and a dog it was pretty crowded. My parents and I were sleeping on the terrace under mosquito nets and very starry skies and it was lovely. It wasn't too hot in either Poona or Nagar but we were definitely grateful for the cool air outside. My parents left for Delhi on Tuesday morning and I was left in Nagar. I was there till Thursday morning when I got the bus back to Poona and my grandparents. On Sunday afternoon my parents flew back into Poona from Delhi and I was happy to have them back. We took the train on Sunday and were back in Kodai at 11:30ish on Monday night. I was happy to be back and reunited with my puppies and kittens and dog who I worried about and missed when we were away.

We've been back almost a week and I'm heading out again soon. I booked tickets to go to Mysore to visit Noah. For those of you who aren't tuned in, Noah goes to Mt A with me and we're going to be living together next year. He's in India on Mt A's Shastri summer abroad program. I'm leaving Kodai on Tuesday afternoon (30th of June) and I'll be in Mysore on Wednesday (1st of July) morning. I'm going to be there until the following Monday afternoon (6th July) and I'll be back in Kodai on Tuesday morning. I'm looking forward to seeing him. I don't know how often I'll have the chance to have friends from Canada come to India and actually be close enough for me to go and see. I shall update you on how it goes. And Noah probably will too. He writes a blog for Mt A as well; http://noahkowalski.blogspot.com in case you're interested.

Here are pictures of the puppies and kittens that I took today. They are basically the sweetest things I have ever seen.

Puppies eating breakfast.

Max
Lucy

And those are they. My gorgeous puppies and kittens. I'll put up a Picasa album with the rest of them and I'll give you all a link to that. For now, these are just a selection. I got bored of downloading off Facebook and uploading to this so I'm stopping.

I'll write again when I'm back from Mysore and hopefully I'll have pictures from there, too.

2009-06-09T08:04:00.002-03:00

I've come to add another book to my list. I got through this one more slowly than I was expecting to. 'My Dream of You' by a woman called Nuala O'Faolain. She's Irish, as you might have guessed and the book is, essentially, about Ireland. I'd like to go there some day. It seems like a place with a lot of history and some pretty deep scars. It's a good book. I'd recommend it.

It's been a lovely day here in Kodai. Bursts of scorching sunshine interrupted by brief rain showers that are quickly followed by bright sun again. A typical Kodai day. The monsoon is here. Apparently Cyclone Aila drew a lot of moisture away from the monsoon and so it halted for a while and we had a few sincere summery days, but the rain is back. I have to admit that I'm not so keen on the rain, after the cold and darkness of a Sackville winter. I just want hot sun, but it would be cruel to wish the monsoon away. Too many people are waiting for it, practically on bended knee.

I'm making progress with my guitar. I can now play: 'Horse With No Name' (America), 'Orange Sky' (Alexi Murdoch), and 'Wonderwall' (Oasis). I think 'Yellow' (Coldplay) is next. I'm struggling to get the singing and playing to happen at the same time, though. It's sort of like that thing where you try to pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time. It's hard. It depends on the song and the rhythm of the strumming and what not, but still - it's easier said than done.

Some time a couple of weeks ago, in the middle of a massive thundershower, Shades (our dog) decided that enough was enough and she brought her puppies up to the house. They're a little over two weeks old and they've just opened their eyes and started looking more like puppies and less like furry sausages. We've also got two kittens - a boy and a girl. I've named them Max (after Maxwell Edison whose hammer came down) and Lucy (in the sky with diamonds) and, in keeping with last summer's obsession, they're also names from Across the Universe. I wanted names that were sort of a pair. My dad (a doctor and biology nerd like myself) and I were thinking of amino acid names, but they didn't work very well. I looked at Greek mythology, and cellestial bodies ... and eventually settled on the Beatles for my inspiration. They're the sweetest little things, my kittens. Except when it's 2:30 am and they're playing pouncing games all over me. The last couple of nights I've been kicking them out of my room and only letting them in again early in the morning. I can't begin to describe how nice it is to have pets again. Eight of them, that too! One of the things about being at home that I miss the most is having pets. The boundless, unconditional love is like nothing else. I mean, who else can you kick out of bed at 2:30 in the morning that'll still come running in first thing just bursting with happiness to see you?

I'm going out of town for about 10 days this Friday. My parents have work and so I'm going along to do the necessary visits to my grandparents and general extended family. I'm being left alone with them for a few days which isn't an ideal situation, but it'll be alright. I'm a big girl and I'll probably be fine. It's not guaranteed ... but probably. (Let it suffice to say that my family has issues.) We'll be back on the 22nd. I feel like this trip marks the end of Part 1 of my vacation back in India. I've been back a month today, actually. I'm dreading the trip because we're going off our lovely little mountain and heading back into the Indian summer. It's going to be crazy hot. Especially for me. Kodai's weather has been (aside from the rain) perfect with it's highs of 20-ish and it's lows of 10-ish. But once we get off the mountain, we'll be in 35-ish and higher and I don't know if I can take it. On our trip to Kodai from Chennai when I arrived, I was very, very hot and unhappy though I did try not to complain. Stepping out of the airport was like getting punched in the face. Ah well. I guess it'll make the return to Kodai all the nicer. And yes, I'm being picky about the kind of summer I want. You'd understand if you were in Sackville for the winter and it made you as miserable as it made me.

Kodai's a bit lonely though. I went out the other night with two guys from my class in high school. They were both bumming around in Kodai and so we went out for dinner and a drink. One of the guys has left back to university (India's on a slightly different schedule from the West). I might meet up with the other guy later this week to watch a movie or something. We're both a bit bored and lonely and I'm sure we'll be grateful for the company. I certainly will be. Other than that, there's not much happening.

The main excitement in the last few days has been the French Open. I'm a huge Federer supporter. I've been a fan of his since the day way back in 2001 when he beat Pete Sampras in the quaterfinals of Wimbledon and upset a huge winning streak that Sampras was on. Anyway. His French Open win was a big deal: 1) it's his first French Open title; 2) he tied Sampras' record of 14 Grand Slam titles; 3) he tied Ivan Lendl's record of 19 Grand Slam finals; and 5) with the win, he became the sixth man in history to complete a Career Grand Slam. Apparently he is offically the best player ever now. It's pretty sweet.

Cricket has crept back into my life. It is now the T20 World Cup being hosted by England. There are matches happening every night again. I'm planning to retreat to my room to read and watch movies on my computer. I've had enough cricket. I watched 'Thick as Thieves' last night with Antonio Banderas in the first role of his that I've like and Morgan Freeman who's awesome no matter what.

Anyway. My mum is here, the cricket is on, and I think I'm going to disappear back to my room. It was nice to catch up. I guess you'll hear from me when I'm back in Kodai on the 22nd or the 23rd.

Be well, good readers. Till later ...

2009-05-29T06:54:00.002-03:00

Time again for another post.

I've been home for just under three weeks and I guess I'm about as settled as I'm going to get. I've mostly done a whole lot of nothing since I've been back, but that's certainly not a bad thing. I've been sleeping till 9:30 or 10:30, having a slow morning, and lounging all afternoon. My parents nap for a bit and then my dad heads back to work and my mum keeps napping. I've been watching tv, reading, trying not to fall asleep and, recently, playing my guitar.

It's taking a while to get used to being part of a family again. I have become used to the autonomy that comes with university life where I can do whatever I want. It's a bit odd having to choreograph my life so that it fits in with the lives around me. There are a million subtle and some less subtle changes that I have to get used to. I have to admit that I miss the somewhat indifferent comfort that comes with independence and having one's own space.

But don't get the wrong idea. It's great to be home. I don't have to cook, I get to sit around and do nothing all day, I don't have any bills to pay, or a job to go to, and I don't have any homework!

Oh! And as of 5 days ago, I have puppies! Technically. Right now my dog has crawled deep into the hedge between my house and the neighbour, has delivered her puppies in there. And, apart from coming out for meals, she's refused to show her face. My mum is convinced that she'll bring them out on her own, but I have a feeling she might be a bit more reluctant. The other problem is that if she does bring them out on her own, we'll have no idea if she's brought them all or not since we have no idea how many she's had. There must be an instinctive need to deliver babies in secrecy and since Shades (our dog) is allowed to wander, she's taken full advantage of her freedom. This is her second litter and she's getting fixed after this one. She's a good mum though and her last litter of puppies was gorgeous, so I expect this lot will be too.

My guitar playing is coming along well. I've now learned 'Horse With No Name' (America) and 'Orange Sky' (Alexi Murdoch) though I'm having a really hard time putting the singing together with the playing. So far my dad has played only a minimal role in my tutoring. It's good though because if he was more interested, he might nag me more about it, too. For now, the internet is proving an excellent tool and I'm getting along just fine. I'm starting to feel a lot more comfortable with my guitar and learning new things is getting easier. I'm also developing healthy calouses on the tips of my fingers which is an excellent sign.

My reading has not progressed as well as I would like. 'The Brothers Karamazov' (Dostoyevsky), my current project, is proving quite difficult. It's a slow, difficult book and if I tackle it on it's own, it'll be three months before I can start another one. So instead, I'm going to try and read more than one book at a time. I've never done that before, but a lot of people do, so I don't see why I can't either. The book I'm starting today is called 'My Dream of You' by Nuala O'Faolain. It's "a grand achievement of storytelling", according to USA Today. I'll let you know. I'll also start another reading list like I did for last summer. I've already read more since the end of classes than I did the whole of last summer, despite my long break from reading the last three weeks.

Another small joy in my life is that cricket is over for a while. The Indian Cricket Council (ICC) started something called the Indian Premiere League (IPL) which uses a new, short version of cricket that was recently created. Each match takes about 3 hours instead of a whole day (the previous 'short' version) or 5 days (the long version). What it meant, though, was that there were at least two matches on every night. Between the night I arrived in Chennai on the 8th and last Sunday night, there was not a single day that went by when I didn't watch cricket. My only options were to sit alone in my room and entertain myself, or watch cricket with my mum and dad. So I watched cricket. The final was last Sunday and I couldn't be happier that the cricket is over. The World Cup for this short version of the game is starting soon, but I think I'm going to appeal for a ban on all matches other than the ones that India's playing in. I think that's reasonable. I was starting to go cricket crazy.

The French Open (tennis) started a few days ago and I've been keeping an eye on that. I generally only watch Federer and Nadal's matches because they're the most interesting. I'm an absolutely loyal Federer fan but the only person who's allowed to beat him in Nadal (as far as I'm concerned). Luckily Nadal seems to be the only person capable of beating Federer, so all is well in my world of tennis. And I can't wait for Wimbledon; it's the most fantastic of all the Grand Slams.

Um. I think that's all for now. I'm going to make up that reading list, and then I have to meet a friend for coffee.

Till later ...

Home!

2009-05-12T03:06:00.007-03:00

It's time again for my customary apology for a long silence. I have no excuse other than lethargy and the need to do absolutely nothing for a while. Much has happened since my last post and I'll try and catch everyone up.

I last wrote a few days before my last exam. The whole exam week was stressful and tiring and it was so good to be done! I started packing up my room pretty much right away. I was waiting for my passport to arrive in the mail any time that week (this was the week of the 20th of April) and so I needed to be ready to leave. In case I forgot to tell this story earlier, I had sent my passport away to get my visa renewed. It took absurdly long to get to them Consulate General in Buffalo and so it wasn't back in time for me to leave. Turns out that my passport didn't arrive till a week after I was supposed to leave. On Wednesday afternoon I had to call my airline and get my tickets changed. I was lucky and managed to find tickets for the same cost as my original ones and I only had to pay the fee that they charge to change tickets. So, instead of being home on the 25th of April, I was looking at two more weeks in Sackville and being back in India on the 8th. I was rather bummed for a while, but the thought of being in Sackville for a while longer eventually grew on me.

I moved to a friend's house to camp out till the 1st when the lease on my apartment started. I watched lots and lots of How I Met Your Mother (on DVD), read a fair amount, fiddled around with my guitar and generally appreciated having nothing to do. It was also good to be able to have some down time on my own in Sackville before I made the long trip back to India. If I had left on the 23rd, I would have been an absolute mess when I got home. Sackville was just starting to come alive again when I left. I'm not going to lie - I'll miss the summer in Sackville.

I spent one night on the couch in my apartment (on the 1st). Since I'd sub-letted my room out, I couldn't stay in my room, and all the other rooms were taken, and so I had to crash on the couch. It wasn't particularly uncomfortable, but I did feel like I was in the way since all my stuff was tucked in every corner in the living room. I didn't really like being under everyone's feet when they were all trying to get settled in the house before classes/work started. On the 2nd I moved to Andrew's house. He and his roommate Chris were just getting settled and since there were only two of them in the three-bedroom house, it meant that I didn't have to be on a couch. I helped them find furniture and odds and ends for their place and by the time I left it was starting to look like a functional house. I'm a little jealous that they have a house and we only have an apartment, but each has its own advantages. I was there till the 7th morning.

At 9:30 I got on the bus to Halifax with my one suitcase, my guitar, a backpack, and my sling-bag, and I began what turned out to be a long and very exhausting trip to India. I got to Halifax at 12:30 in the afternoon and had to wait there for 6 hours. At 3:00 I was able to check in and get rid of my suitcase and guitar. I put my guitar through 'special handling' and prayed that they would take good care of it. I watched Hancock while I waited and tried not to get too bored.

At some point I went through security when it was getting close to boarding time. I got called aside because of a pair of scissors in a pencil case that I'd forgotten about. I think they weren't sure what was setting the machine off at first because the guy there took a swab of the inside of my bag and stuck it in a little machine. It freaked me out a bit. Anyway, he found the scissors in the end and sent me on my way. I didn't have to wait too long before they started boarding and I think the flight left right on time.

It was an hour and a half to Montreal. I watched most of 'The Reader' (Cate Winslet and someone else) and got into Montreal at 7:30 pm (Sackville time). I was there long enough to have time to get something to eat and walk what seemed like a whole kilometer to the gate my next flight was leaving from. It was a big flight and they took a long time to board us. The flight left at 9:00 pm Sackville time.

It was 7 hours to Frankfurt. I watched the end of 'The Reader', 'Taken' (Liam Neeson) and most of 'Wendy and Lucy', and tried to sleep. It was 4:00 am (on the 8th) Sackville time when I got to Frankfurt. The flight disembarked at the same gate that my next flight was leaving from so I didn't have to move at all. I grabbed a seat facing out onto the airport, put on 'Concert in Central Park' (Simon and Garfunkel) on my iPod, and sat out the next hour or so that I had to wait.

My flight to Chennai left Frankfurt at 6:00 am Sackville time. It was 9 hours and 15 minutes to Chennai. I had been travelling for over 24 hours with very little (negligible) sleep. It was 3:15 pm Sackville time when I arrived in Chennai. On the flight I watched Slumdog Millionaire again, had a little more success sleeping, chatted with the guy sitting next to me, and read my book. Mostly I wanted to freak out a little bit because I was tired of sitting, my legs were cramped (I can't even to begin to imagine what kind of torture flying is for Nathan at his incredible height of 6'8"), and I just wanted to get home.

The flight arrived on time and it took me about an hour to get through security. They were screening for Swine Flu and so it took a bit longer than I expected. I waited what felt like an age for my luggage. I was certain that someone had goofed and it hadn't come all the way through from Halifax to Chennai. Just when I was starting to get worried my suitcase came out. I was watching the baggage thing and fearing for the safety of my guitar. They had the conveyor belt that goes around, but there was this other conveyor that was literally dumping bags from a height of about three feet onto the conveyor belt below. Thankfully I didn't see my guitar get dumped out because it would have horrified me but it finally came around as well, and wasn't too battered.

It was about 4:15 pm Sackville time when I went out and met my parents. It was great to see them and it wasn't nearly as emotional a reunion as I thought it might have been. We got a cab back to the hotel and stayed up and talked for quite a long while. I wasn't tired and I think they stayed up for my sake. It was 6:30 pm in Sackville when we went to sleep. We were up at 12:00 midnight Sackville time; it was 8:30 am in India. Our train left at 12:20 pm India time which was 3:50 am in Sackville (on the 9th). It was about 7 hours to the stop where our taxi was meeting us. That made it 10:50 am in Sackville. I had been travelling for 48 hours. We made a quick detour to visit family friends who live very close to the train station (they had told my parents that they absolutely HAD to bring me to see them before we drove up the hill to Kodai). We stopped for dinner half way home, and we walked in the front door at about midnight India time. It was 3:30 pm in Sackville.

That was my trip: three flights, five movies, 54 hours of travel, and 12,706 km. I'm finally home. I left 20 months ago.

I haven't left the house since we got here. I've been reading and talking to my parents, and getting used to being back at home and part of a family again. I'm going out to visit family friends this afternoon. I might venture into town tomorrow.

That's all for now. More of my summer plans later.

Summer? Is it really you?

2009-04-16T20:53:00.005-03:00

It's been quite a while since I last posted. I probably should be studying right now, but I'm not. The reason for this impromptu post is this: I have a story.

It was my 21st birthday last week. 21 ... I know. It's pretty sweet. I seem to enjoy getting older. Maybe I'll eat my words someday, but for now, I think I get taken a little more seriously with every passing year, and that's a good thing. The week of my birthday was busy. I had a lab exam on the Monday, and a test on Thursday (the day after my birthday - at 8:30 in the morning, no less). Thankfully the big birthday in Canada is 19 because that's what the legal drinking age is. I'm not sure what Arjun (my twin brother) did in Florida, but being in the US 21 was much more of a big deal for him. But I was grateful for not having any crazy binging tradition to live up to. It turned out to be a (fairly large) group of friends at Ducky's. The same as last year. A few beers, an excuse to all get together, and then some very late-night studying for an early-morning test. Woo hoo ... What made the whole thing better - and the heart of this story - is that since it was my birthday and I was at a point where I could afford it, I bought myself a guitar. I went online and hunted for good deals and good guitars and I finally found one: an Epiphone PR150 Acoustic Guitar. I got a message from the store that it had been shipped on the 8th, and it was here on Tuesday. I could only pick it up yesterday because UPS needed to be paid border-crossing charges before they were willing to drop it off. It took less than a week and now I have my very own guitar!! I think it's sort of middle-of-the-range and I'm sure guitar experts will think that it's fairly mediocre and nothing special ... but in the one day that I've had it, I have grown to love it. I'm sure (and I sincerely hope) that this is the start of something pretty cool and I can't wait.

So that is my story. I've already learned a few chords and my fingers have the satisfying pain that comes with learning guitar that I remember so well from the first time I tried to learn. Why a guitar, you ask? So close to the time that I'm going back to India? Well ... because I tried to learn before, and nothing special came of it. One reason was that I was in high school and I was certain that I had more important things to do. It wasn't my guitar ... and so it always felt a bit like a hobby ... something to do semi-seriously on the side. It stopped pretty quickly and that was the end of it. But now, I have a guitar that I have spent a substantial amount of money on, I'm going to haul it halfway around the world with me when I go home, and then I'm going to love it and learn to play it, and it will be awesome. : )

I was looking for songs this evening that I like that might be easy to learn how to play. I remember my dad started to teach me how to play Horse With No Name (America) the first time I tried to learn, and now I have the chords for that written down again, and I'll figure it out at some point. But my search through my iTunes took me from Horse With No Name through all the oldies that I have and I put in Sister Golden Hair (America) and hit my Genius button, and it brought up basically all my favourite oldies songs. Those of you who use iTunes and the new Genius thing they have will understand how great it is. That's what I'm listening to right now: America, Bread, Simon and Garfunkel, CSNY, the Eagles, Dire Straits ... all the songs that are ingrained in my mind that I was listening to in utero and all through my life. I've realized that nothing makes me want to be at home more than listening to the music that reminds me of home.

It's been a really good day: I wrote an exam this morning that I think went well, I had an awesome nap for a few hours in the afternoon, my friend Graeme taught me some chords and a few fun things to do with my guitar, and now I'm procrastinating, listening to music that makes me happy, and thinking about being at home in the summer.

Sigh. Ok. Well. That was the story that I wanted to tell. I now have to study. Two exams down, two to go. Life sure is a party.

Till later ...

The trouble with trying to find videos of old bands is that they're all crappy recordings from the 70's, but here's the audio anyway. The song of the moment: Sister Golden Hair (America).

2009-03-29T22:37:00.003-03:00

I hate to say it, good readers, but I think I'm using you. I use blogging as an excuse to procrastinate. I only seem to want to blog when I have something more urgent to do. This is the second time this week that I've written a blog instead of doing work. It's a bad sign. There seems to be a pall of apathy that has enveloped my life. It means that I'm not getting anything done, but I'm not feeling panicky about it either. I'm not working and it seems that I'm ok with that. It's a problem.

I have done some work though. The SAN banquet was last night. I spent most of Saturday afternoon running around doing errands like cooking and picking up decorations, money, and unsold tickets. I had to be at Meah Hall (where the banquet was going to happen) at 6:15 to start setting up. It was a bit awkward because I was all dressed up and wandering around sorting stuff out while Meal Hall was mostly-full of people still eating. They started to leave once saw that something was going on. Andrew, Nathan, Rhiana, and Cameron showed up at 6:45ish to help me set up which was good of them. I think there were about 8 or 10 of us in all setting up. We had to clear the tables, putting tablecloths down, and then make sure that every seat had a program, water, and appetizers near by. We were done just after 7:30 at which point we started letting people in. The timing was great and we started just after 8:00. I think the banquet went really well, overall. I was a bit stressed out through the whole thing but it seemed like everyone had a good time. The food was good, the performances were good, and we ended at 10:00 which was perfect. Cleaning up took a lot less time than setting up did, and we were done by 10:30. Nakita, Leah, Sally (the SAN exec) and I and a couple other people hung around till about 11:00 just sitting and talking and de-stressing. I think we were all really pleased with how things went.

I came home and stayed up late talking to my parents and my brother on Skype. I can't believe I'm going to be home in just over three weeks.

And there's so much to do still ...

I also worked on one of my papers a bit today. I wrote an outline and I think I can start writing tomorrow. It's not a very difficult class and the assignment isn't very challening - it just has to be done. And I have another, somewhat more important paper due the day after this one. Technically this is only a draft so I'm going to see what I can get done tomorrow and day-after and then I have to stop and be satisfied with what I have by then. I have a little bit of time to work on it later. It's not due till the 16th. The other paper I have to do, however, is due this Friday and I am nowhere close to finishing it. And by that I mean I've barely started. SIGH.

But, there are good things happening these days too. I saw two crocuses today. The first I've seen this spring. I literally leapt around in joy. I hate the winter. I really, really do. It's not that I'm miserable all winter long, but it's cold and suffocating and it just doesn't compare to the absolute glory of summer. Maybe the spring seems that much more wonderful in comparsion to the winter. Either way, spring is here. I saw a girl celebrating over the same two crocuses that I had seen. She screamed a little. I can certainly share the sentiment.

Anyway. That is the state of life right now. I think I'm going to go to bed now and hope that tomorrow I can get things done.

One of my favourite songs: Such Great Heights by Iron and Wine

I wait in 4/4 time ...

2009-03-24T21:18:00.006-03:00

It's that time of year again. What time, you ask? The crazy time. You know ... when the days don't seem quite long enough, your agenda is full of lists of things to do and people to meet, you have a vague air of panic about you, and it takes you hours to fall asleep at night because your head is full of plans and worries. And don't you hate it when a week looks a lot longer on a calendar than it actually proves to be in real time? That seems to be happening a lot, too. It's not a particularly fun time, really. And the logical solution to all this chaos? Well, to blog of course.

I feel like I can justify wasting a little time. Firstly, it's a gorgeous day. My window is wide open, I'm wearing short sleeves, and it legitimately feels like spring outside. Secondly, I just came from a meeting with my program advisor and it seems like I'll be able to graduate next year without any problems! I was a bit worried and this stupid school has a bunch of secret degree requirements that they make it really difficult to keep track of and I was worried I was going to have a hard time getting all my credits. The thing about lots of transfer credits is that you don't really get time to goof off and take silly classes. I was forced to do that last term because (yet another annoying thing about this school) scheduling is a nightmare here and I could only take three classes (out of five) that were actually relevant to my degree. But it looks like all will be well. I have to over-load (i.e. take six courses instead of five) in my last term, but that'll be ok. I'm sure it won't kill me. It's quite a relief to have this all sorted out, though.

The SAN banquet is on Saturday. I'm getting a bit stressed out about it. I guess I have to spend all of Saturday running around and tying up loose ends. Hopefully it'll go well. I have to spend the next little while cutting out flags that we printed so that we can make little decorations for the tables. I hope everything falls into place. It'll be nice to see this go off without a hitch.

I also have two papers due next week. I'm starting to get a bit anxious about them. I haven't really made any serious progress on either and time is dribbling away at an uncomfortably rapid pace. I guess I'll just have to get my butt in gear and pull a few all-nighters or something.

And there are only 20 days before I go home! I'm starting to get excited.

The concert last weekend went alright. It turned out to be a bit of a let-down because it started late and I had class the next day, and I ended up leaving before the end of the show. I really wanted to stay but it seemed unreasonable to be up till 2:30 on a Sunday night. Starting the week on a sleep deficit is a terrible idea. And, despite leaving early, I still skipped my first class the next morning at slept till 10:00. I think that's only the 4th class I've skipped all term. I skipped two earlier in the term to study for a midterm, and then two others. No harm done.

I guess that's it for now. I have flags to cut out.

Till later. And here's a song for the road: The Weakerthans (live) - Left and Leaving
The video is pretty bad, the sound isn't fantastic, but that's ok.

And here are the lyrics, in case you can't hear them.

My city's still breathing (but barely it's true)
Through buildings gone missing like teeth.
The sidewalks are watching me think about you,
Sparkled with broken glass.
I'm back with scars to show.
Back with the streets I know.
Will never take me anywhere but here.
The stain in the carpet, this drink in my hand,
The strangers whose faces I know.
We meet here for our dress-rehearsal to say "I wanted it this way"
Wait for the year to drown.
Spring forward, fall back down.
I'm trying not to wonder where you are.
All this time lingers, undefined.
Someone choose who's left and who's leaving.
Memory will rust and erode into lists of all that you gave me:
A blanket, some matches, this pain in my chest,
The best parts of Lonely, duct-tape and soldered wires,
New words for old desires,
And every birthday card I threw away.
I wait in 4/4 time.
Count yellow highway lines that you're relying on to lead you home.

2009-03-15T20:03:00.004-03:00

I'm taking a study break to write a blog. It's sort of an enforced study break because a friend has my notes and I can't do any more studying until he brings them back. I'm mildly concerned about getting through all the studying I need to do, but for now, I'll ignore it. The only reason there's a little bit of urgency is because I didn't get any work done yesterday and I need to make up for it.

Why didn't I get any work done yesterday? For a number of excellent reasons:

A) I was drinking at the Thornton 'floor crawl' on Friday night and, although I didn't drink too much, it definitely left me feeling pretty out of it on Saturday morning. Let's not forget that alcohol is a toxin. That, combined with staying up late, makes for rough mornings and unproductive days.

B) My trouble with late mornings is that it means I don't get my absolutely essential hit of coffee until later in the day and usually my withdrawal symptoms are already kicking in by then. I usually drink my first (and only) mug of coffee during my first class every morning (that's 9:30 on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and 8:30 on Tuesday and Thursday). If my coffee is delayed past 11:30, I'm looking at a rough day. Sometimes the only thing that happens is that I can't stay awake and I become dysfunctional. On bad days I get a headache. Yesterday was a bad day. It was 11:30 when I got out of bed and for whatever absolutely stupid reason, I didn't make coffee until 3:00. Two Advils and a mug of coffee later and I still had a headache. I was not impressed.

C) I had to meet Nathan, Noah, Rhiana and Cate (my roommates for next year) to go down and see our house, pick rooms, and sort out our plans for the end of the term. Picking rooms was a bit awkward. I wanted to avoid conflict at all costs and so I got a room that I didn't really want. But that's ok. I'm sure it'll be fine. The room I have is apparently the biggest with a massive cupboard, but we were told that the floor is really ugly and that the window is really narrow. Sadly, the person who lives in that room currently wasn't there and the room was locked. Hopefully I won't have to live in semi-darkness for a year. I've gotten very, very used to two years of a South-facing window that gives me sunshine all day (when the weather is kind).

D) I had to go straight from looking at the house to a meeting with two other people on the SAN (Society of All Nations) exec to paint banners to adverstise for our banquet that's coming up soon. SAN, for the benefit of those that don't know, is the student group on campus that tries to actively facilitate International-Canadian student interaction on campus. Every year SAN holds a banquet that aims to showcase International food and performances (song, dance, etc). This year I'm the secretary of SAN and I'm helping to organize it. That took over two hours.

E) I spent the early part of Friday night in the Mac computer lab on campus. This room is not heated. At all. Two and a half (ish) hours in there and my feet and hands were freezing, and I was starting to feel sick. This evolved over night (through the drinking and staying up late) into a rather uncomfortable cough/sick feeling.

F) I was in the Mac lab because I was trying to book a ticket back to India for the summer. This turned out to be a fruitless, frustrating endeavour. I spent a lot of yesterday looking for tickets. I almost booked one but when I looked at how expensive it was, I chickened out and decided I needed to call my parents and double-check dates and such with them first.

Those are the reasons why I didn't get any work last night. Instead, I wasted time, watched Bambi, drugged myself with Neocitran, and went to bed. Yesterday was generally a bad day.

I woke up this morning feeling better. My cough hasn't gone away (and it feels like it's here to stay for a little while), but I'm feeling a lot better in all other respects.

I spent a couple of hours on skype this morning/afternoon with my parents which was nice. I talked through dates and options with them and got all that sorted out. And then we just talked about random stuff. It was good. I don't get to talk to them all that much.

I then booked my ticket. Well, first I had to call Visa and get them to increase the credit limit on my card (because my ticket cost more than my $1,000 limit). They did that no problem. I even got wished an early happy birthday by the nice young man I talked to. So, I now have a ticket home. Yay! 23rd April to the 16th of August. : ) There's only the minor issue of an expired visa that I need to sort out. But hopefully that won't be too much trouble.

It's Monday tomorrow. It seems like it came too soon. I'm already looking forward to next weekend. The big thing next weekend is the Weakerthans concert. I bought my ticket for this concert some time in January. I've been excited since then. It's going to be awesome. It's on Sunday night which is a bit of a pain, but maybe I can sacrifice any other shenanigins that I might want to get up to earlier in the weekend and save it all for Sunday.

Ok. My notes have been returned and it's almost 9:00. I think I need to get in at least another hour of studying and then maybe I can quit for the night.

p.s. Please note new slideshow of pictures of Kodai on the right, below the clock.

2009-03-10T21:57:00.003-03:00

Hi folks. It's been a while. It's also been a busy while, so I hope I can be forgiven. I guess I'll just recap on the last couple of weeks since they've been eventful.

Before I start, here's someone's version of the theme song from Forrest Gump composed by Alan Silvestri. I've been listening to the scores from motion pictures on the radio as my study music and this is probably my favorite. So yea, here you go:

From February 21st to March 1st we were on our 'Reading Week' (= Spring Break). Lots of people took off to lots of different places but, as is my tendency, I holed up in Sackville and enjoyed the quiet that descended on the campus. I took the weekend off and went out, watched movies, and generally wasted time. But, come Monday of that week, I realized that I actually had to get stuff done and so I did. I set rules for myself, though. I decided that I would work until I dinner time, and after that I would go home and not come back till the next day. I also said that I would go to sleep whenever I felt like, and wake up whenever I felt like. That made for a fairly laid back week, but it also given all the relaxing I was also planning to do, this was a fairly tight schedule. It took me till Wednesday to get my paper done. I was having trouble getting my thoughts in order, and all that procrastination I was doing was also seriously decreasing the numbers of work-hours I had in the day. But, I got paper done, and then I moved on to the presentation. That took me two days and so I was already at Friday and I hadn't done my paper proposal yet. I was planning of taking that weekend off too, but I ended up working on my presentation on Saturday too, and my proposal on Sunday, and on Monday we were back in classes.

I didn't work all week, though. I read 500-odd pages of 'His Dark Materials' (Philip Pullman) that I've read before but so long ago that I hardly remembered a thing. That was fun. I also cooked a lot. I didn't go to meal hall a single time that whole week. I like cooking. I find that it's meditative.

So yea. I took care of my work, and I took care of my soul, and I thought it was a pretty perfect break, really. I was happy with how it went.

In our first week back I had my presentation on Tuesday, the paper due on Wednesday, and my paper proposal due on Thursday. I spent Monday and Tuesday in the computer lab at night being frustrated and not being able to get anything done for my proposal. I just hit a dead end with my research and my thoughts were stuck in a really small box and I wasn't getting anywhere and I was getting increasingly agitated. I also had that presentation on Tuesday to be worried about. (I think it went well but presentations on one's own are always fairly stressful.) Anyway, inspiration struck for my proposal late Tuesday night and continued into Wednesday, and by 9:30 on Wednesday, I was done with it and my stressful week was over. I think I goofed off a bit the rest of the week.

Aside from being a busy time with school work, this is also a busy time for me as far as 'extracurriculars' go. I'm part of EcoAction (Mt A's student group that lobbies for green initiatives on campus and in the community around us) and we're doing a big campaign about the Tar Sands in Alberta. If you don't about it, go here: http://www.tarsandswatch.org/ Anyway. I had to go and work on what we were doing for that. That took up much of Thursday evening and most of Saturday. I think we calculated that the five of us that worked on it put about 30 man-hours into it. I'm also part of the 'Society of All Nations' (SAN) and we're having our annual banquet on the 28th of March. It takes a LOT of work to organize and we're trying to get that done at the same time. But, between those two, I didn't get any studying done on Saturday for the midterm that I had this morning. I had all of Sunday and what little bit of Monday I had after class, but that wasn't really enough. I was up till 1:30 ish last night (not my general habit since I try to get work and studying done by a reasonable hour) and it was moderately painful, but that's ok. I think that was the general consensus, and our prof will mark accordingly, I'm sure.

And the week to come: I have more EcoAction and SAN stuff to do. I'm going to look at my apartment with my roommates-t0-be this weekend. We have a ton of stuff to sort out and I'm glad we're getting that done. And that'll leave me with: two papers (fleshing out that proposal I wrote, and a research paper for the class that I had the midterm in today - Ecological Genetics), a lab exam, a test, and finals to do. That's not too bad, I guess ... ? We shall see.

Anyway. This is why I didn't write, although I wanted to. And on that note, I'm going to stop. It's 11:00 and time for bed, I think.

Till later.

Eyes on You ...

2009-02-25T14:03:00.009-04:00

It's time again for another apology for yet another long silence. The last three weeks have been busy: five midterms, one seminar presentation, and a lab exam. My blog always takes a back seat when life gets busy. I really wanted to blog the other day but I didn't get the time, and that small burst of inspiration was lost. Anyway ...

What I wanted to share today was a picture of all of you, my good readers. Well, not quite ... but sort of. Some time last semester, I set up an account with a branch of Google called Google Analytics. Once I had the html code put in all the right places (much easier said than done), Analytics allowed me to track my blog. I can see where you're reading it from, what pages you look at, which site directed you to it or whether you are one of those exceptionally loyal folks and you know the web address off by heart. I can tell what internet browser you used (and I'm pleased to see that the Firefox users are finally out-numbering the Internet Explorer users), what your internet speed was, what resolution you have, and many more interesting details about you. I can even see what network you're on. It's pretty creepy, really. (I hope this isn't putting you off)

What I think is amusing about all of this is that while my blog allows some of my more engaged readers to keep track of me and see what I'm up to, I can also keep track of all of you. It allowed me to make note (some what indignantly) that my parents had not read my blog in months and only once I pointed out to them that I could see that they weren't reading my blog did they actually start reading it again. I asked Nathan to read my blog from Hawaii and he did and I got two little dots show up on my map for the two places in Hawaii he read it from. I can see others of my friends that I can identify for certain: Sam, a shout-out to you in Dunedin (New Zealand). And, there are lots of other reader that I've taken particular notice of. I get a lot of hits from the University of Sussex in Brighton and Manama, Bahrain.

I have readers on every continent, from 31 countries, in 159 cities. I'd say that that's pretty cool. I have friends who tell me that I'm obsessive about checking my Analytics page and seeing what's going on, but I think it's pretty neat. Here I am in the middle of nowhere in Sackville New Brunswick, and there are people in Cambodia, Iceland, Chile, Finland, Egypt, Iraq ... that are reading about me.

And all of that is to say, thanks. I get my measly $8.25 an hour for writing this blog and that's fine, but it's taken on a whole new life now that I can see who sees me. Believe it or not, but this blog is a fairly big part of my life. Even if it's only that I think about it with a twinge of guilt every now and then when I realize that I haven't posted in a long time, or whether it's because I spend a week thinking about the next post I'm going to write and planning out the things I'm going to say and how to say them just right. Maybe my blog has drawn students to Mt A (which is really the reason why they pay me to write it at all). Who knows. All I know is that there's someone in Manama, Bahrain who reads it often, that Sam checks on me all the time waiting for that post I promised I'd write about him, that Nathan has taken up the task of getting me hits from far-away places ... and that I get a kick out of watching it all unfold.

So here's the famous picture:

Sorry to all those of you in the mess of dots on the east coast of Canada/USA. I have a lot of eastern seaboard readers, not sure why. That gigantic dot over there is Sackville. Hawaii doesn't show up on this screen, sadly (sorry Nathan). But most of the rest of you can probably spot yourselves.

Don't stop reading. I promise I won't creep on you beyond where your dot shows up on this map. I'm not really interested in what browser you're using, or whether you have Java support or not.

Till later, then ...

Kiwi

2009-02-07T14:23:00.004-04:00

You've caught me on a strange day. It's still winter outside and my heart is aching for summer. I just spent way too long thinking of 25 things to say about myself because I caved to stupid Facebook peer pressure. I resent Facebook. Anyway, this list made me think about myself and what I feel about things and where my life is going. That's never a good train to hop on while listening to the 'mellow' tag on last.fm with the impending horror of trying to study for a Comparative Chordate Anatomy midterm later today. I get pensive in a sad kind of way when I listen to mellow music and think mellowing thoughts. I think I'm an emo kid pretending to be a nerdy science kid pretending to be a dreamer. For now I seem to be stuck in a place of not knowing - not knowing what I think, what I want, what I want to do with myself. It's weird. I was always the kid that was so sure, so with it, so in control. So much for that.

I had my first midterm on Thursday in Ecological Geneics. I also had a seminar presentation for my Cultural Geography class. It was a little bit stressful. This week brings two more midterms - Comparative Chordate Anatomy and Evolution. And the week after I have my Chordate lab exam (which is going to be about a million times worse than the midterm), my Animal Physiology midterm, and my Geo midterm. Fun, fun. I get to study non-stop for the next two weeks! Sweet! And then spring break. Whee ...

So, um, there was this video that I wanted to share. Nathan showed it to me and the first time I watched it, it kind of settled over my whole day like a weight. Not really a bad weight ... but a weight none the less. How often do we think about the lengths that we could go to to see our dreams come true? Here's a story about the dreams of a Kiwi bird - that an adorable, flightless , awkward creature.

It's food for thought, I think.

I thought maybe I'd also share some of the things I said about myself in that silly Facebook note.

I'm from India. I haven't been home in a year and a half. I miss my parents and my puppy. She really isn't even a puppy any more ... she was when I left. Maybe that's testament to the fact that I've been away too long.

I'm a twin. I'm four minutes older than my brother, Arjun.

I'm obsessive compulsive. I organize crayons and coloured pens in order of the colours of the rainbow. ROYGBIV.

I have a tatoo on my foot. It took me four months of thinking and planning before I got it. I love it.

8. I really care about recycling, and not wasting water, and turning off lights when I leave the room. It makes me sad that not everyone cares as much as I do.

I'm a little bit in love with Roger Federer.

If I could be an animal, I would be a cat.

I fucking love science. I love how it makes my eyes widen, my jaw drop, and makes me think "holy shit ..."

I want to be a veterinary surgeon. I always have.

Paul Simon and Pink Floyd are part of what made me who I am.

My favourite book is Captain Corelli's Mandolin.

Summer is my favourite time of year. I can't wait for the blue skies, greenery and warmth.

I have a plant called Henry. I adore him.

I love music and books.

I love to cook.

Some day I want to live by the ocean.

And I think that's all for today. I still have homework to do before I can start studying for this midterm. I'll try and post again this weekend. Ciao.

2009-02-01T19:29:00.003-04:00

Jason Mraz - I'm Yours

I looked through a ton of videos of this song on Youtube and this is the best one because he looks really cute in that hat and the guy he's singing with is particularly good in this version. The video really long because he chats with the crowd a lot after the song is over so listen to the song and then you can stop it. It's a lovely song. I guess that's sort of how I feel today: mellow and a little sad.

Anyway. Another week gone by, another weekend gone with too little work done and too much time wasted. Today I'm recovering from having drunk maybe a little too much last night ... but I don't mean that in terms of a hangover. I'm not hungover. It just seems to me that a night of drinking puts a spanner in the works. No matter whether you're feeling hungover the next day or not, it's very hard to get anything done. There's this ... pall of disinterest and slothfulness which falls on everything and makes even the smallest task seem daunting. Not daunting really. That's not the word I'm looking for. It makes things seem not worth the effort and it's just easier to sit around and waste time. That's why my room is a complete mess right now. The bed covers are all pulled out and crumpled, there are clothes and change that fell out of my pocket all over the floor. I have unwashed dishes in the kitchen and muck on my floor that needs mopping. And I just don't want to deal with it. I spent all afternoon outside my room because I can't bear to be in there when it's such a mess, but I just don't have the energy or the motivation to clean. Given that kind of feeling, imagine how horrible the thought of studyng seems. It's totally out of the question. If my room wasn't such a mess, and if I didn't actually have to study today, maybe I wouldn't feel so shitty. But for right now, I'm thinking that this whole alcohol thing is a pretty stupid idea. I was talking to Nathan about it today and one of the most fun nights we've had in the year and a half that we've been at Mount A was right at the end of the winter semester last year. Nathan, Noah, Rhiana, and I went out. I think we'd had a few drinks, but the aim of the night wasn't to drink and get drunk. We went to Mel's and ate junk food. There's a great video from that night on Facebook. It's of Noah stuffing his face with onion rings and looking like a total pig. The whole night was us making snarky comments to each other back and forth with everyone getting a turn to be the butt of the jokes. There was lots and lots of laughing. We ended up at the pub and Rhiana was dancing (there's a video of that on Facebook, too) and being ridiculous ... and it was just a really, really fun night. But none of us were very drunk. We were just hanging out and enjoying each other's company, and it was awesome. There's not too much of that any more. I guess it's not 'cool' to have a quiet drink at home with your friends and goof off all night. There has to be a party and loud music and unhealthy volumes of alcohol consumed. I think I'm bored of it. It certainly doesn't help that my room is a mess and that I have a ton of work I should have done and should be doing right now ... but even still. It's getting a little boring.

This weekend was the final for the Australian Open. Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal made it to the final again. It was expected and anything else would have been a disappointment. Federer is my hero. I worship him a little bit. He's not the world Number One any more, but he's Number Two and Nadal is Number One, which makes it ok. Anyway. I missed the final. The fact that it was in Australia makes the time difference incredibly awkward and the matches were never on at a reasonable hour here. My mum watched it for me and sent me an email after the second set, and then I got updates from her after the third, fourth and fifth sets, too. Given the kind of day that I've had, her emails made me miss home for the first time in a while, and I'll admit it, I got a little teary. Watching tennis with my mum is one of my favourite things to do. Ah well. I'll be home in the summer for Wimbledon - the greatest of the grand slams.

Wow. It's almost 8:30. I've been at this for more than an hour. At some point it'll be unreasonable for me to spend any more time in the lab and I'll have to go home and tackle the mess in my room and get some work done.

It's crazy how miserable I've been all day. Just because of a few too many drinks last night. Also, I was watching House this afternoon with Nathan, Cate, Vic and Sebastian, and in the episode this guy who's a paraplegic dies. And then his aid dog that he has also dies because it accidentally eats the medication that was supposed to be given to the guy. It was a beautiful dog and yea ... it made me really sad. On any other day it would have been sad but it wouldn't have bothered me. But I was already feeling pretty shitty so it just added to it. Oh well. C'est la vie. We get good days and bad days.

Ok. Well. That's all for now. I'll check in again later this week. There's a video I want to share so I'll make a post out of it.

Until then ... enjoy the week. Happy February.

The Trapeze Swinger

2009-01-26T10:22:00.003-04:00

This song is called 'The Trapeze Swinger' and it's by Iron and Wine. I'm in a very strange mood today and I was listening to this song and since it's one of my favourites, I thought I'd share it. It's long, but it's worth listening to.

Please, remember me, happily,
By the rosebush laughing
With bruises on my chin, the time when
We counted every black car passing
Your house beneath the hill, and up until
Someone caught us in the kitchen
With maps, a mountain range, a piggy bank
A vision too removed to mention

But please remember me, fondly,
I heard from someone you're still pretty
And then they went on to say that the Pearly Gates
Have such eloquent graffiti
Like: “We'll meet again” and “Fuck the Man”
And “Tell my mother not to worry”
And angels with their great handshakes
But always done in such a hurry

And please remember me, at Halloween
Making fools of all the neighbors
Our faces painted white, by midnight
We'd forgotten one another
And when the morning came I was ashamed
Only now it seems so silly
That season left the world and then returned
And now you're lit up by the city

So please remember me, mistakenly
In the window of the tallest tower
Call, then pass us by, but much too high
To see the empty road at happy hour
Gleam and resonate just like the gates
Around the Holy Kingdom
With words like: “Lost and found” and “Don't look down”
And “Someone save temptation”

And please remember me, as in the dream
We had as rug-burned babies
Among the fallen trees and fast asleep
Beside the lions and the ladies
That called you what you like and even might
Give a gift for your behavior:
A fleeting chance to see a trapeze-
Swinger high as any savior

But please remember me, my misery
And how it lost me all i wanted
Those dogs that love the rain, and chasin' trains
The colored birds above there runnin'
In circles round the well, and where it spells
On the wall behind St. Peter
So bright on cinder gray in spray paint:
“Who the hell can see forever?”

And please remember me, seldomly
In the car behind the carnival
My hand between your knees, you turn from me
And said the trapeze act was wonderful
But never meant to last, the clowns that passed
Saw me just come up with anger
When it filled with circus dogs, the parking lot
Had an element of danger

So please remember me, finally
And all my uphill clawing
My dear, but if I make the Pearly Gates
I’ll do my best to make a drawing
Of God and Lucifer, a boy and girl
An angel kissin’ on a sinner
A monkey and a man, a marching band
All around the frightened trapeze-swinger

2009-01-25T18:45:00.006-04:00

Out Loud - Dispatch; this group isn't Dispatch. It's three guys from Germany who've done covers of a few Dispatch songs and some other stuff too. You can hear a slight lilt from their accents but it's a really good cover none the less. I couldn't find any decent original videos and so I had to fall back on a cover.

Today was a lovely day. I woke up with golden sunshine pouring into my room. The house was absolutely quiet all day. I guess everyone was sleeping late or just keeping a low profile. I spent the first hour or so after getting out of bed reading. I was reading 'White Tiger' a debut novel by Aravind Adiga. I finished it this morning. It was good. Fiction. A little hyperbolic ... but maybe that was the point. It was a good read. I'd recommend it to anyone who's interested in India. It was a fairly truthful depicition if, as I said, a little exaggerated.

I spent the weekend feeling totally out of it, thanks to the flu that's been going around. I've been sick, on and off, for about three weeks now. I'm not sure what I did to deserve it, but yea. I think the first bout that I had was just a regular cold, and then I got really sick early last week. I had a fever and stuff. Not fun. Yesterday I got sick of it and decided to throw down and take the fight to my flu. I armed myself as fully as I could with kleenex, orange juice, neocitran, tylenol, and hot chocolate and I went in with all guns blazing. Hopefully I'll have the thing killed soon. I'm tired of feeling sick. Plus, midterms are coming along soon and I need to be better by then.

Aside from feeling a bit spaced out and disconnected from reality, today was nice. I kept to myself all day and it was nice to get in some alone time. I did laundry, did some homework, listened to music ... mellow stuff.

Noah organized 'Sunday Sundaes' for Thornton tonight. I'm not sure if I should be eating ice cream, but I guess I can't skip it. It should be fun.

A weird thing kept happening to me today - I kept getting flashes of a feeling, more than images, of the summer. The feeling was associated with an idea of warmth and greenness, and this smell that's very closely associated with my memory of summer in Sackville. I think maybe it was the sun outside that was making me think of summer, but it was a really strange feeling. Usually we miss places or people, so it's strange to find oneself missing a time.

It's a pretty strange time in my life, I guess. That might be why I miss this summer. In the summer I had nothing to look forward to but the school year and it was pretty certain. Right now, nothing is really certain. I think I'm going to be back home in the summer but I don't know for sure yet because I don't have tickets booked, or plans made. I don't know what I'll be doing this summer. My brother might not be home. I'm not really sure what I'm doing with my life and I really have to star thing about grad school and stuff since next year is my last year at Mt A. There's a lot of uncertainty. Maybe I just miss the certainty of the summer.

Anyway. That's all for now. I want to go home and get a bit of work done before sundaes. Till later.

My Favourite Chords

2009-01-16T15:07:00.008-04:00

The Weakerthans - My Favourite Chords

My favourite song by the Weakerthans. More on them later.

Happy Friday, everyone. I wasn't planning to blog till tomorrow, but since I have some time to spare, I figured I could just do it now, and maybe again later too, if I can.

This was the first legitimate week of school and the semester is already looking intimidating. I'm trying to keep ahead of things but there's only so much one can do ahead of time. And obviously, I have to factor in a certain amount of procrastination that is taken for granted (I can be responsible, but I'm not superhuman!). We shall see how it goes.

This is a big week musically for Sackville: Mount A's radio station CHMA is holding its annual music festival called Stereophonic. I think it's in its third year now and we're getting some pretty big names coming all the way to little Sackville. There have been shows happening since Wednesday and I think they're going all the way through Sunday. The plan for tonight is to head out for a concert with my friends. An evening of good music seems like the perfect way to wind down from a week of classes. And, speaking of music, on the 22nd of March the WeakerthansSackville! I've already got my wallet safely stowed away and I have a full two months to get really, really excited.

The rest of the weekend should be good, too. Tomorrow morning I'm going to go to Pancakes for Parkinson's for breakfast, probably do some work in the afternoon, and then maybe go to another concert tomorrow night. There's some stuff going on at George's (a bar down by the train station on the 'edge' of town) that we were thinking of going to. It's hard to justify wandering around in -30 weather in the middle of the night, but I guess things seem more reasonable after a few beers. On Sunday afternoon I might be going sledding at Fort Beausejour with SAN (the Society of All Nations - a student group that I'm part of the exec for) which sounds fun. And that's the weekend plan.

I'm starting to think about making my long way home to India this summer. I have to start looking at dates and tickets soon. It's exciting to think about going home. I miss India quite a lot. I don't really notice it on a day-to-day basis, but every now and then when I watch a movie, read a book, see a colour ... little things jump out at me and spark little twinges of painful homesickness. While watching Slumdog Millionaire in Toronto this Christmas random scenes in the the movie made me cry. It's not like they were things related to the plot of the movie or anything - it's just that sometimes a random sight of India makes me miss it. I'm reading a book by an Indian author about India right now, and in that, too, the odd phrase, or sight or smell described makes me miss home. I'm probably going to get more or less four months at home this summer and I'm going to make the most of them. It'll also be a long enough period that I'll have time to get sick of being at home and then I can start looking forward to being back in Sackville. Time and distance are strange things - neither friends nor enemies, but certainly huge factors in the way feelings and memories change.

Meanwhile, Sackville is cold, cold, cold! -30 outside give or take. Honestly though, I don't mind the cold as much as I hate the slush and ice. Cold can be bundled up against. Slush and ice are invincible regardless of how good your shoes are and how warm your clothes are. And, I have to admit, it's beautiful outside: bright sunshine, dark shadows of leafless trees on bright white snow, and clear blue skies.

I guess that's all for now, I think. I'm going to go home and read the Argosy (Mt A's newspaper) in the sunshine that's going to be pouring into my room. Till later.

Home is Where Your Towel Is

2009-01-12T21:37:00.006-04:00

Happy New Year, everyone. That's a somewhat belated greeting, I know, but life's been busy for a while. All that vacationing and textbook buying and settling in and whatever else. My apologies.

You last hear from me in Kingston. From there I meandered my way back to Sackville and I moved back into residence on Sunday, the 4th of January.

It's nice to be back in Sackville ... I think. It was definitely good to get out for a couple of weeks but, for the time being at least, it's home and it's always good to be home. I was thinking about it, and there are only two things that made the places I stayed at during the break not home (while my room in res in Sackville is) and those were: living out of a bag and having left my towel in my room in Thornton. I hate living out of a bag, and using a towel that isn't my own is ... unsatisfying. Not in terms of hygiene or anything like that ... but because I like my towels and I missed mine. So ... home is where your towel is? I'm beginning to think so. This also stays in line with the eternal wisdom of Douglas Adams who says that the towel is the "most massively useful" thing one can own and that anyone who can "hitch the length and breadth of the Galaxy, rough it ... win through, and still know where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with." I missed my towel.

School started on the 6th, and so today completes our first full week of classes. The first week isn't really very intense because people are still trying to register and drop the class and profs are spending a lot of time introducing the class and handing out the syllabus and whatever else. The Winter semester does seem to pick up speed a lot faster than the Fall term, though. I had my first three hour lab today (not counting the one I had to TA last week) dissecting a lamprey. That's for my class Comparative Chordate Anatomy. My other classes are: Evolution, Animal Physiology, Ecological Genetics and Cultural Geography. I'm making up for only being able to take on Biology class last semester by taking four this term. We'll see how that turns out. It's certainly going to be a hell of a lot more work. I'm expecting it all to be very interesting, though.

Other than new classes and a few new people around, life is pretty much the same. Winter is starting to get comfortable. It's (supposedly) -17 C tonight. The forecast says that we're going to have sub-zero temperatures the rest of the week. Quite honestly, anything above 0 C seems improbable, but it's definitely reasonable to be grateful for single-digit temperatures.

I've also managed to pick up a Back-to-School-Flu which arrived with depressing punctuality. It started on Friday morning, picked up speed through the day, and was in full form on Saturday which meant I spent most of the weekend curled up in bed reading and drinking tea. Aside from the fact that I feel sick, I don't really mind. It's nice to have an excuse to sit in bed and read a book and drink tea and drug myself into symptom-free happiness. Really though, I want to beat this flu into submission before it beats me.

On that note, I think I'm going to go home. Oh, right. I forgot to mention that my computer is still out of commission and so, for now, I'm going to have to use the lab for all my computing purposes. This may mean slightly more irregular blogging than what I (attempt to) do during the school year (i.e. every Saturday morning). I'll try to be good.

I hope everyone has a stellar week.

White Christmas

2008-12-27T00:08:00.004-04:00

As I have done a few times now, I would like to apologise for my long silence. The end of the semester is a busy, stressful time, and that (combined with a computer that gave up the ghost) made writing a blog a little difficult. And as a result it didn't get done. But, here I am, and I will try and do this long over due post justice.

I'm writing from Kingston, Ontario. I'm here with family friends. I was to fly from Halifax to Toronto on Monday evening but instead, I spent all of Monday sitting in the Irving gas station in Sackville waiting for a bus that never came. The snow storm had made most things grind to a disconsolate halt. At around 2:30 the woman told me to go home and come back tomorrow. I did go home, only to find that the power was out because of the storm. I read by natural light as long as it held out and then I lit the three little candles that I had, ate Green Giant corn out of a can, and slept and read in spurts, hoping the night would go by quickly. Eventually the power did come back and I was very grateful. I was warmer in the living room and I felt safer there, so I spent a rather uncomfortable night on the couch.

On Tuesday the bus was an hour late, but that meant I had one less hour to spend at the airport waiting for my flight. I got to Halifax at 2:00ish, checked in my bag, found something to eat, and read for two hours till it was time to go through security. They made us take off our shoes and our belts and empty our pockets. I stupidly left my Swiss army knife in my bag and they confiscated it. They offered to let me out so I could go and mail it to myself, but that would have meant going through security again and taking off my boots again and I didn't think it was worth it. I'll order a new one. It can be a Christmas present for myself. Anyway. The flight left an hour and a half late but, apart from a slightly hairy landing in Toronto, it was a good flight.

Let me step back in time for a moment and talk about school. The term ended in a whirlwind of studying. My exam schedule was this: 11th morning, 12th afternoon, 13th night, 17th morning, and 17th night. With my first exam only on the 11th, and classes ending on the 4th, I had almost an entire week before I had an exam to write. I didn't have enough time in between to do any studying, so I forced myself to study for four of five exams before I'd even written the first. I wasn't sure if my tired brain would be able to hold it all in as I desperately tried to cover all the material, but it was the only choice I had. I felt like my exams went well and so far, it looks like they did. I'm more than happy with the grades I have and they're certainly making for a much more enjoyable Christmas.

Now back to Toronto.

I spent the 24th morning in bed, and the afternoon wandering the subway. I was to meet the daughter (Cydney) of the guy I'm staying with (Bill) for a movie. Bill told me to get on the westbound train which I did, only to find that it was taking me in the opposite direction of where I wanted to go. I considered getting off and getting on another train, but I didn't want to get myself lost, so I stayed on the train and rode the few stops to the end of the line, and then the train turned around and went back the way we had come. Apart from Cydney having to wait nervously for me thinking I was lost, it was fine. I got to people watch and see the sights, so to speak, and it was fine.

We watched Slumdog Millionaire. A fantastic movie that I would recommend to everyone. It's a mostly truthful window into what can be the difficult rawness of life in India. One of the most violent scenes in the movie is not disturbing because of the nature of the violence - because we see lots of that in all the television we watch - but because of the fact that it could very possibly be true. And I think that's a good thing. If we're going to spend time and money to sit in front of a screen, I'd rather be faced with raw reality that makes me think and ache and grow. There were random points in the movie I was overwhelmed by love for India. It's not just the beautiful things, but the ugly things too, that make me love my country. Now and then, I miss it desperately. It'll be good to be home in the summer.

In the evening we had a lovely Christmas dinner, opened presents, and watched the tail end of 'It's a Wonderful Life'. It was a really nice evening and I was glad to be there.

Yesterday, on Christmas day, Bill, Julie, and I drove up to Kingston to the house that Julie owns here. It's a lovely house with two lovely cats (Harvey and Clarence) and the plan is to sleep lots and read lots. I'll be here till the 29th morning. It's nice not to be on my own. I was planning to spend Christmas by myself in Sackville and this is a much, much better alternative. I would have been very unhappy to say the least.

It's after midnight and I have sleeping to do. Here's to a white Christmas that seems to have blessed (or cursed, depending on your perspective) the entire country. Here's to friends and company and overeating. Merry Christmas!

And this is a song I heard for the first time while I was writing this blog. It sounds like the mood I'm in. Matt Nathanson - Come on Get Higher

What the fuck? Ye Nahin Chalta Hai ...

2008-12-05T11:46:00.003-04:00

Here’s my question for the World today: What the fuck? I don’t often feel the need to use obscenities in my writing, but sometimes there just aren’t any other words that work.

This is the deal: Terrorists are bombing India, Obama might be turning into a disappointment, Canada almost had a (democratic) coup, the Israel-Palestine thing is a mess, and no one seems to give a damn about the way their thoughts and their actions have an impact on all of it.

On the 26^th of November, a group of terrorists attacked 10 different locations in Bombay – one of India’s greatest and most vibrant cities, the heart of the country even; close to 200 people were killed. Among the places bombed was the Taj Mahal hotel. My dad told me a story about the hotel that I didn’t know before. In the early 1900s, Jamsedji Tata, the grandfather of Ratan Tata (the head of one of India’s largest and most well known companies) walked into the Watson’s Hotel in Bombay. The hotel was run by the British and Jamsedji was turned away on account of the colour of his skin. The fact that he, as an Indian, was being denied rights in his own country was absurd. He didn’t start a revolution … but he did build himself his own hotel: The Taj Mahal hotel. In India today, the Taj Mahal hotel, built in 1903 – well before Independence – is a symbol of Indian sovereignty, of our fight for freedom from the British, and the magic that is India. Other places bombed were the Cama hospital, the Oberoi Trident hotel, and Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus (or Victoria Terminus – VT, as it was called during the time of the British) that was named a World Heritage Site by UNESCO. The point of this slightly long ramble is to say that the attack means more than the number of people that were killed. I don’t intend to say that the deaths are meaningless, but the attack touched the heart of the country; Indians have been left feeling very wounded. What’s frightening about the politics of the Sub-continent is that every time someone blows something up in India, Indians point their fingers at Pakistan – without the slightest pause for thought. And any time a bomb goes off in Pakistan, India gets blamed. This seems to be the standard approach. But after these attacks, the common Indian citizen has not taken up arms against Pakistan – we have taken up arms against our government that let us down yet again. We are shaking down our government and throwing people out. My mum sent me pictures from some of the protests happening in the country and some of them are pretty funny. “We would prefer a dog to visit out house than a politician!” said one sign. “U.S politician from Yale; ours from Jail” says another. My favourite is a series of signs listing different things that some of our worst politicians have done, and at the bottom of each sign are the words: Nahin Chalta Hai! Which is a transliteration of Hindi, and it means ‘This won’t work’ or something along those lines. It sounds better in Hindi. Anyway, I’m proud of India. I’m far away, and there’s not much I can do from here … but India’s making me proud. Condoleezza Rice visited India this Wednesday. She represents what is happening on the political end of things. I worry for the politics of the region. If India gets the backing of the U.S and then decides to go to war against Pakistan, India’s attack will have legitimacy by default of Washington’s support. This is bullshit. Nahin Chalta Hai. I worry for the politics of the region if the US is allowed to get involved. What I would love to see is the Indian and Pakistani governments turning to the US and asking them to kindly butt out. I would like to see India and Pakistan mount a joint effort against the terrorists – regardless of which country is harbouring them – and make a decisive step towards peace between our two countries.

On to other things: Barack Obama seems to be making people unhappy. He’s being called out for putting the old guard back into his cabinet. I think maybe it’s a little too soon to start condemning him. The man is assertive, intelligent and it seems like he doesn’t bugger about. I think we need to give him a chance. Put our accusations on hold and wait and see. Maybe he will be a total disappointment, but maybe not. I think accusations are premature at this point.

Steven Harper is a two-faced liar. I have only been in Canada for a year and a half, but I have managed to learn this much. A week or so ago the opposition in Canada’s parliament decided to oust the conservatives and establish themselves as the new government in the form of a Liberal-NDP coalition, with the support of the Bloc Quebecois. This was a gutsy move. The deal with Canada is that the voting system is a bit of a mess. On Election Day on October 14, a third of the country voted for the Conservatives, and two-thirds of the country voted for the Liberals, or the NDP, or the Bloc, or the Green Party … or whoever else. But because the voting system does not have popular representation, the Conservatives won the most seats in parliament with only something like 37% of the popular vote. A week or so ago, the opposition decided to form the coalition that would give them the majority in parliament. Coalitions are common practice in India that has a very similar voting system to Canada. The most people in Canada did not vote for the Conservatives and so the most people in Canada should have the government they voted for. This is what democracy is all about. Steven Harper, in what Nathan so very aptly described as a cowardly move to ‘save the impending collapse of his self-serving, dishonest government’ requested the Governor General to porogue parliament (which means shutting it down until January 26^th so as to avoid any further confrontations with the opposition). Nathan’s question was: “How can he lock out the parliament just to preserve his own pathetic political career?” Well … because he’s a cowardly, dastardly (Nathan’s word), evil man. And the Governor General let him do it. This is not democracy.

Israel and Palestine are a mess. The U.S and Britain have waded too far into the situation to give anyone a fair chance. The U.S wants an 'in' into the Middle East. Israel is sitting fairly comfortably on the land that they are claiming, inch by inch, while the U.S watches their back. Palestinians are watching a wall being built between them and their land, their farms, their jobs, and there’s nothing they can do about it. Neither party is truly right, nor is either side truly wrong. The situation is delicate, extremely complicated, and could possibly be seen to go back to the time of Abraham and his sons Ishmael (Ismail) and Isaac.

I didn’t pick these few examples because they are the most important … but because they are, among many, many other things that are wrong with the World today.

So, I say it again: Dear World, what the fuck? Where is justice? Where is democracy? Where the people that claim to have all these wonderful ideals? Why do we not see more people – ordinary people – standing up for what’s right? This won’t do. Nahin chalta hai. Dear World, let’s get our shit together and stand up for what’s right.

This is a video that always makes me cry. It’s called ‘Where the Hell is Matt’. This man, Matt Harding, through one silly dance, has managed to connect to hundreds of people all over the world. I think there’s a lesson to be learned here … (you might be better off following this link to Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY)

November (Part 2)

2008-11-22T15:50:00.006-04:00

Joshua Radin: Brand New Day

Dearest November,

I’m sorry for my long silence. It’s been a very busy few weeks and today is the first day that I feel like I’ve actually had time to breathe.

Today is a beautiful day. A brand new day. The first sincere snow was a few days ago but by last night a lot of it had melted or been ploughed away and it was just cold. I went to bed last night at 12:30ish and I was up at 8:00 this morning with plans to go to the Farmers’ Market with Nathan. I looked out my window and couldn’t see beyond my double-panes of glass because there was snow piled two-thirds up my window. I called Nathan and aborted our morning plans because it was perfect crawl-back-into-bed weather; and I did crawl back into bed until 10:45. It snowed all morning and it’s snowing now and it’s beautiful.

Nathan and I had an ‘outing’ to the store this afternoon. I had to go to Sears to pick up a pair of proper winter boots (the pair I have are kind of pretty but not much use for actual snow) that I ordered online. We also have a potluck this evening and we needed to buy stuff to cook. It was an Outing because it’s so beautiful out. It’s clean and white and cold and gorgeous. I love the snow. I hate ice. I hate slush. I hate the stupid Sackville wind. But I love snow. We came home and had a celebratory toast with eggnog with sprinkles of nutmeg. All-in-all, it’s been a lovely day so far.

As I said, Nathan and I are going for a potluck at a friend’s house off-campus. Nathan and I are making scalloped potatoes together. We figured we’d get away with bringing something together. Plus, scalloped potatoes are fairly labour intensive and we can make a ton so it’ll be fine. From what I’ve gathered, a lot of people are going to be there and it’s going to be really nice. We have quite a few friends that live off-campus that we hardly ever see. It’s always nice to get together now and then and get away from the same group of res people that we see all the time. Not that there’s anything wrong with them – I love the people in Thornton. It’s just that it’s nice to get a change sometimes.

This last week was hellish. All of my big assignments were this week and obviously I left it all to the last minute. I had a paper due for Geography on Thursday morning and then another two papers due on Friday. I was in the computer lab till 1:15 am on Friday morning working on the paper for Animal Behaviour that was due in class at 8:30 on Friday. I had another paper for Religion due at 10:30. I wrote that last weekend which I turned out to be very grateful for. 3500 words for Animal Behaviour was enough as it was.

I have made plans for winter break. I’m going to be in the same house off-campus that I was last winter. Except this time I’ll be on my own which is a little bit shitty because it’ll be quite lonely … but it’s alright. I wonder if there’s something about growing up that involves a Christmas on one’s own. Maybe not. But either way, it’ll be my first Christmas on my own without family of some kind around. I guess I’ll curl up in bed and read lots and watch lots of movies. I think being alone will do me some good. Clear my head, sort out my thoughts. I’m a firm believer in the fact that solitude is essential. My mother is worried for my safety but this is Sackville – I’ll be fine. And really, two weeks is not a long time at all.

I can’t believe this term is almost over. It’s crazy how quickly it’s gone by. I wonder what I’ll feel after three years of being here. I wonder if I’ll look back and see a blur. Sometimes that’s what I think it’ll feel like. And maybe that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe in the end we’ll look back at life and see units of time. Being a baby, Elementary School, Middle School, High School, gap year, Mount A … these are the units of my life so far. I don’t really remember much apart from a few isolated events and faces. A friend from a long time ago just put up pictures on Facebook of my friends and I in Middle School. It’s weird to see pictures from back then. I look different and I feel like it was a different lifetime. In many ways it was. I guess I’m not really the same person as the Me in the picture anymore. Lots has changed since then. Lots.

Well. I’m starting to ramble so I think it’s time to stop. I’m off to make scalloped potatoes. I’ll write again soon.

November

2008-11-02T19:56:00.003-04:00

Dearest November, you’re here so soon. We had snow around this time last year. In fact, the first snow was on November 4th last year; so there are a few days yet. But right now, we have crisp sunny days and a chill that seeps into one’s bones. But it's okay because Sackville is so beautiful in the winter. I watched the light change through the day today and the golden morning sun is just as beautiful as the long dark shadows of the evening. And even stepping out into the icy air makes me smile and take deep breaths of the clean cold.

I signed a lease for a cute little apartment downtown on Thursday. The five of us – Cate, Nathan, Noah, Rhiana and I – are really excited about next year. It’s still going to be six or seven months before we have to really do anything about it, but it also gives us time to get used to the idea of being room mates and living off campus. The apartment is really nice. It’s got lots of central open space which I think is good because we’ll have a place to congregate and we won’t get isolated in little corners of the house – which would have been the case in some of the other places we looked at. I think we’re all feeling really positive about it and I can’t wait till next year.

Friday night was Thalloween – Thornton’s Halloween house party. It was nice to actually have it on the 31st this year. I think it was a good night. I had more fun last year but that’s because all my friends were there. This year Nathan was saving the world with a fund-raiser for UNICEF at a bar downtown, Justin and Rhiana were on duty, and Noah was doing his presidential thing and being frantic and busy. I missed them. It would have been a blast if they’d been there. The plan is that next year the five of us are going to rock Thalloween as fabulous Thornton alumni. I can’t wait.

With November also comes the next round of midterms and papers to write. I actually have only one midterm but I have big writing assignments in my four other classes so it works out to the same thing. I spent all of today in Jennings doing some epic catching up. I did really well on all my midterms but as a result, I got rather behind in my reading. I got a lot done today. I’m proud of myself. I had a friend tell me that I had to make sure I did something for myself today, so here I am. I’ve been looking forward to writing all day.

We turned our clocks back an hour today. The extra hour has been a wonderful thing. I went to sleep at 1:00 last night but it was actually 12:00 and I slept till 8:00 and still got plenty of sleep. And even though now it’s dark a whole hour earlier, it makes the day seem like it’s taking longer to go by. I left Jennings at 6:00 and it felt distinctly later and it’s always a pleasant surprise to find that I have a whole hour extra. I’ve been a bit put off by the early dark but I’ll get used to it. It’s only the first day, after all. And I’d really much rather have more hours of light earlier in the day than later. I hate waking up in darkness.

It’s going to be a busy week. I have a lot to do that I want to get done before next weekend which I plan to dedicate wholly to studying for Physics. Yay.

Oh. And next Friday a group called The Tom Fun Orchestra (based out of the Maritimes … not sure exactly where, Nova Scotia, I think) is coming through town so we’re going to all do a joint ‘We’re All Twenty Now’ birthday thing. We all had pretty crappy 20th birthdays since Nathan’s birthday was last Wednesday and he had a SAC meeting, Rhiana’s is this week and she’s crazy busy, Noah had his during the summer when he was all alone, and I had mine in April during exams. So we’re going to party and have a great time. This coming weekend is also a long weekend because it’s Remembrance Day on Tuesday and so we get Monday off too as a ‘study day’. So I’m excited. This week will be slightly painful, but Friday will be fun. And I think I might take some of Saturday off (maybe to recover from Friday) and I’ll study the rest of the weekend.

And I think I’m going to stop for now. Oh, by the way, the blogging team has a lot of new people (only myself and another person carried over from last year) so if you are a prospective Mt A student looking for different perspectives, you should check out the new bloggers.

Have a happy week, everyone …

I think this might have been my favourite song this week: ‘Don’t Look Away’ by Joshua Radin … a lot inspired by a conversation I had with a friend on Thursday afternoon. (So really it was my favourite song for the end of the week). And the whole point of it is: use your eyes when you speak and when you smile. They can often say much more than your words ever could.

I'm easy like Sunday morning ...

2008-10-26T10:33:00.002-03:00

It’s been an incredibly mellow weekend. I haven’t managed to get any work done but I guess that’s alright. I’m sure I’ll manage to squeeze it all in at the last minute like I usually do. Yesterday was a good day … and I don’t wish I’d been working instead.

Nathan and I went to the Farmers’ Market in the morning since Nathan hadn’t ever been. We bought Indian food and sushi. Nathan bought fresh cranberries. Then we went to ‘Pancakes for Parkinsons’ which is a Michael J. Fox Foundation fund-raiser that Mt A students have once a semester. It's an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast with entry by donation. The pancakes were great and it was a really nice morning.

At 11:00 I went to Mane Attraction (there something about beauty salons that necessitates really, really bad hair puns) to get my hair cut. While the woman was cutting my hair she got a phone call from her brother and her father who are in Cape Breton saying that they’d caught their sixth tuna of the season. My geography class (Geography of Economic Activity) had a section on commodity chains and one of the commodities we studied in detail was sushi. In the morning I’d bought sushi with white tuna in it and I considered whether I was being unsustainable and whether I should buy sushi with crab meat or something else in it (I didn’t), and then here was this woman talking about her family who fishes for tuna. Tuna is interesting because it’s caught all across the Atlantic seaboard (in Canada, the US, Europe and North Africa) and then most of it is shipped to Japan where it is bought and sold by bidders in a massive auction market (Tsukiji) only to be shipped back to all these countries (a lot of it stays in Japan, too) for consumption. It’s quite unique because it’s very deeply rooted in Japanese culture. What was interesting for me was to study the chain in a very clinical way and then see the reality of this woman’s life. She even pulled out a picture of her dad and her brother with the first tuna they ever caught. It was such a huge part of her life and … yea, it was interesting. I felt like my education may actually be of some use. It made me happy. And, on top of all that, I really like my haircut. It’s short (a lot shorter than it’s been in a long time) and cute.

I came home and spent a long time on Skype with my mum. We both have web cams which is nice. It turns out we’d both had haircuts recently which we showed off to each other. It was nice to talk. I feel like it’s been a while.

At 2:00 I met Cate, Nathan, Noah and Rhiana to go look at houses/apartments for next year. We want to move off-campus and we decided that we’d house hunt together. The first house we looked at was really spacious and nice inside but the front ‘yard’ is a very large parking lot which, Rhiana pointed out (ironically, in case someone misses that) would be very useful for all our cars. It was also a duplex with another ‘house’ below us and we decided that that wasn’t ideal. On the way back we passed this pet store/human society place that had two kittens in the window. We cooed over them for a good five minutes ... they made my heart melt. At 3:00 we went to look at another house that was a lot nicer. This one was an entire house, seven bedrooms, an INCREDIBLE loft that, for the sake of not spilling blood over it, we thought (if we sign a lease there) we’d convert into a living room. It had an awesome kitchen with an island and everything. We definitely loved it. We’re looking at another house tonight and another tomorrow. It’s all very exciting. There are some interesting tensions developing and I think we all need to sit down and clear the air, but otherwise, I think it’s going to be great.

After looking at the second house, Rhiana, Cate and I got all girly and excited and practically skipped to town to buy (temporary) purple hair dye for me. We figured it would be really cool and subtle over top of my dark brown hair and we got rather excited. So we bought hair dye, came home and promptly did the thing. Rhiana did it for me and I feel like we bonded. Everyone was very shocked first at the thought of purple and then very disappointed at how non-obvious it is. Although it's subtle, you can actually see it quite clearly. And apparently it’ll wash out after seven to fifteen washes (there’s some debate about this point).

Feeling very chuffed with my cute purple hair, I came upstairs and ate Indian food for dinner while I watched Alexander. It’s a fairly new movie with Colin Farell and Angelina Jolie about Alexander the Great. A word of caution: it’s TERRIBLE. I downloaded it in honour of my Alexander the Great class which I love. Bad movie though. I went downstairs and hung out with Rhiana and Victoria for a while and then went and watched most of The Fifth Element with Justin and Cate.

At 8:00 Thornton was supposed to get together by floor and start decorating for Thalloween (Thornton + Halloween = our house party) which is next weekend. The theme is ‘Haunted Hospital’ and we had lots and lots of water soluble black and red paint, rollers and sponges with which to go nuts. The house looks really cool. It’s unfortunate that we have to live in haunted gloom for an entire week before the actual party but it took too long to decorate for it to have been done any other time. I’m really, really proud of the house. A lot of people weren’t around but those who were had lots of enthusiasm. There was absolutely no drunken debauchery (which is extremely unusual for a Saturday night) and I think by the time we were done eating our free pizza and garlic fingers (bribes are generally required to get people to do work), people just wanted to go to bed. I think we were all feeling rather warm and fuzzy. Thornton’s a great house.

Justin, Cate, Faisal and I finished watching The Fifth Element and then I went to bed.

Today, I have a Skype date with my mum and dad for 1:30 and another with my best friend from high school Rokimi (a.k.a Kimi) at 3:00 and I’m feeling really mellow and ... content.

I’ll leave you with a song that makes me think of 12th grade and some of the best times of my life … a lot of them with Kimi: ‘Mississippi’, by Train. (The video’s a little weird – it’s got clips from a movie called The Experiment. It’s ok, you don’t have to listen with your eyes.)

Pools of sorrow, waves of joy ...

2008-10-18T14:43:00.005-03:00

“Words are flowing out like

Endless rain into a paper cup

They slither while they pas

They slip away across the universe.

Pools of sorrow, waves of joy

Are drifting through my open mind

Possessing and caressing me.”

Stream of consciousness:

It was cold today. The winter chill is starting to seep through the cracks in the windows. The tree outside my room is the colour of fire – red and orange; it lights up with the sunrise. I guess daylight-savings will be upon us soon. It’s getting to that time when I’m up before the sun. It’s hard to face a day when the sun doesn’t rise with you. Darkness is lonely and it brings no hope or happiness with it. Soon we’ll be stuck indoors, trapped on the plowed pathways with everything else inaccessible and buried in snow. I hear it snowed in Newfoundland … or PEI or some such place. I’ll be sad when the winter comes. I think life is hard enough without cold and darkness. SAD: Seasonal Affected Disorder; there are many layers to that.

I didn’t get any work done today. Just one of those days ...

My Pink Floyd psychedelic music is mixing with The Beatles coming from my neighbour’s room. It’s an interesting discord of two great artists. I guess two rights can make a wrong.

I’m going to go for a walk. The air is clean and clear and cold. It might dissolve the haze in my mind. Sometimes life just calls for a wander. I’ve never been a wanderer. Too many roots holding me to the ground … too rational a mind. Too pragmatic. I’ll wander more. Silence and solitude can be great teachers … if not great friends.

“I am Jack’s wasted life.” Ever seen Fight Club? Watch it.

I think my walk awaits me. ‘Till later.

'Across the Universe', The Beatles

Long Week

2008-10-11T16:14:00.005-03:00

Oh man. What a day. A bit of wisdom for all you studiers out there: no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that a Friday night out is a good way to relax before a long weekend of studying, you are lying to yourself. If I had absolutely nothing to do today then it would have been perfect. But sadly that is not the case and now I have to find some way to keep myself awake while I get work done.

Last night was, despite what I just said, a fun night. It was good because this week felt really, really long.

I basically spent all week either in class, in the library, or in the computer lab. I had a big essay and a physics assignment due on Thursday and then a midterm and a quiz on Friday. I spent all of Sunday, Monday and Tuesday working in the essay. I spent all of Wednesday working on the assignment. And I spent all of Thursday studying for my midterm. I’m not sure how the essay went but I’m happy with everything else. I ended Friday with the Ecology lab that I TA. I got to sit out in the waterfowl park on a lovely day while the students fished for bugs. I occasionally provide free advice and try and identify things if they can’t. So yes, it was a long week.

After the lab, Nathan (who is in that lab) and I came home together and we found everyone. We all went to dinner together and after dinner Nathan, Kathryn and I went to the liquor store. Turns out I had enough beer here but there’s no such thing as having too much beer in one’s fridge and the walk is lovely. We had a good time. On the way back we found a grassy hill that we sat down on while I told them random interesting facts about animal behaviour. So yes, it was a long week.

When we got home, the night officially started. It was a good night of music, friends, piggy backs across the football field, lying in the middle of a parking lot because it seemed like a good idea, and lots and lots and lots of laughing. I also spent the whole night telling Rhiana that it was all her fault that I was being drunken and ridiculous. It was a good time. Rhiana and I left the bar just before 1:00. We met at 9:30 this morning to go to the farmers’ market. We got Indian food and dried Chinese lantern flowers. It was a beautiful morning. I came home and cleaned and did laundry. I had a brief visit from a friend. I went for lunch a little later with Nathan, Noah and Stuart. Stu kindly swiped me into Jennings because he has some crazy plan about effectively conning them into giving him more meals that he’s actually paid for. Lunch, that was really breakfast (pancakes and hash browns), was lovely and much needed. I came home just before 2:00 and talked to my boyfriend for a bit. I then fell asleep for about 45 minutes. Not very long ago I hauled myself up, made coffee and this blog signifies the second part of today that will hopefully be a lot more productive.

Wow. Looking back at what I just wrote is weird. I guess that’s a fairly typical Mt A student kind of week. Next week will be even worse. I have three midterms and an essay due. And the week after, I have the last of my five midterms and a few odds and ends to do.

Oh, I forgot to mention that it’s Canadian Thanksgiving here so we have a long weekend. I think we’re doing a potluck in Thornton on Sunday night which is officially Thanksgiving. I guess everyone stuck here wishes they were at home with their families. Indian’s don’t have a Thanksgiving so it doesn’t mean much to me but I can get into it, I guess. So um, Happy Thanksgiving.

Sigh. Alright. Time to get my butt in gear. I have stuff to do. Until next week …

A Turning Point

2008-10-04T13:23:00.000-03:00

It’s that time of week again; another week gone by. This week feels like a turning point for the year in a number of different ways.

The weather has taken a decisive turn for the cold. Our temperatures are starting to head down to 10°C and lower and I guess they’re going to stay there till some time in May next year. I’m not ready for the winter yet.

I died in assassins early last week. I think it was Monday. I was in my room studying with my door open. I heard the kettle in the kitchen go off – it’s the kind that whistles when the water boils. I figured the person who put it on would go and deal with it soon. It whistled on and on for a fairly long while. At some point I got fed up and I got up to go and see what was up. As I was standing up, it stopped whistling but since I was up already, I figured I’d go and check on it anyway. I walked into the kitchen and there was Justin fiddling with the kettle trying to get it to whistle again. He heard me come in and as soon as he saw me, he hit me with his sock. It turns out, Justin was hunting and he knew I was in my room because my door was open. He went into the kitchen and put on an electric kettle. His plan was to hide in the stairwell and jump out when he saw my shadow come into the doorway as I walked past the stairs to get to the kitchen. Needless to say, I yelled and cursed and sulked because of my untimely death. It was so sneaky and brilliant that it seemed ridiculous that it should happen to me. Anyway. When I died, I suddenly felt like things got serious. Assassins requires a lot of lurking in shadowy hallways waiting for your prey to walk past. Now that I had died, I realized that it was now that time of year where I couldn’t senselessly waste time and be silly. Things were getting serious.

Along the same lines, starting this week things with classes have suddenly picked up pace and all the deadlines are looming horrifyingly close. I have a big paper due on Thursday this coming week which is what I’m planning to spend all weekend on. I’m a little bit terrified. I don’t even really know where to start.

I bought a Led Zeppelin, ‘Stairway to Heaven’ poster at the Imaginus poster sale on Thursday. The poster is about two feet wide and five feet high and it fits perfectly on the inside of my door. It feels like that space has been waiting for the arrival of this poster. It’s so perfect there. I have a ‘Stairway to Heaven’ poster at home too. It’s far more magnificent than this one: it’s about four feet wide and maybe six feet long, it’s old and beautifully vintage. I had to leave it behind because it wouldn’t have survived the trip. This one will do till I can claim the one I left in my parents’ care.

So yes, a turning point. The winter is here, the midterms are coming, the time for frivolity is gone and my room finally feels complete. It’s like some pieces have fallen into place in my mind. There was a click in my head and it feels like it’s time to get the show on the road. I think I’m ready. I think this can be done.

And, because it’s lovely, here’s ‘Anyone Else But You’ by Michael Cera and Ellen Page from the movie Juno (the song is originally sung by The Mouldy Peaches):

The Usual ...

2008-09-27T16:55:00.002-03:00

It's life as usual at Mount A. The weeks are blazing by. If we count the feeble three days of class that we had that first week, we are now at the end of our fourth week back at Mount A. My first midterms are three weeks from now. Once those midterms start, there’s not going to be any break in studying from now till December, basically. And I feel like the second term always picks up speed a lot faster than the first term does. Sigh. Ah well.

My flu relapsed on Monday. These are the woes of communal living. By the time I got rid of my first bout, it had been long enough that the bug had mutated into something completely different, and I got it again in its new and improved form. There was a lot more coughing with the second version. So much so, actually, that my stomach muscles now hurt every time I cough. Isn’t that fun? Sigh. That’s what I’ve been battling this week. I also managed to get ‘pink eye’ (conjunctivitis) which is just stellar. Again: the woes of communal living. Someone doesn’t wash their hands properly, touches their eyes, gets an infection, then proceeds to touch everything else around them and that’s all it takes for the thing to spread like wildfire though the residences. So now, not only do I have the plague, people are treating me like I am a plague. I woke up this morning with my eyelids glued together, my eyes were very red, and I had huge, dark bags under my eyes. I looked like a druggy that was having a really bad day. I started to look better as the morning wore on and I don’t think my eyes are red any more. I went to the pharmacy in town and talked to the woman there and she recommended Polysporin: one to two drops four times a day. I know I must be growing up when I buy my own eye drops and put them in my eyes myself without making the slightest fuss.

Today is Homecoming. It’s a huge thing here in Canada (and the US). Quite honestly, I think the main reason people get excited is because it’s a damn good excuse to get drunk. Thornton, for example, starting at 4:00 pm (that’s right, BEFORE dinner) is selling Jungle Juice. This is a fairly delicious (and therefore dangerous) mix of: Everclear alcohol, vodka, peach schnapps, Barcardi 151 rum (i.e. 151 proof = 75% alcohol), 99 Apples apple schnapps, Sprite, orange juice, Triple Sec (an orange liqueur), Gin, and bits of fruit that are left to soak in all the alcoholic goodness. Welcome to university life in North America. It’s all wet and rainy out and I doubt I’ll go and watch any of the game. I don’t know the rules of football and so to me it just looks like a bunch of guys in fat suits running around charging into each other. No offence to football players or fans … it’s just the truth. And, judging from the huge cheer and the blaring car horns, I would guess that the Mounties (as our team is called) just scored and are probably winning.

I’m probably going to skip out on the mayhem. I’m sick and in need of some time to myself. I also have a ton of work to do and I need to start making weekends productive again.

Thornton is doing our annual game of Assassins. It’s where everyone signs up and then someone not playing puts us all in a chain where everyone has to “kill” someone else. Every time you kill someone that person tells you who they had and you move on to kill this person. In that way, eventually you end up with two people who have worked their way around the circle and now have each other. Last year I ended up being one of the top five. That was mostly because the person who had me had a girlfriend and they were almost ALWAYS together and so he couldn’t be killed. And, since he was always with his girlfriend, he wasn’t paying much attention to the game and so he wasn’t trying to kill me. It was like an invisible wall protecting me. Not so this year. So far I’m trying not to be too paranoid.

Anyway. That’s the update on life for now. Cough/Cold, Pink Eye, Homework and Assassins. Till next week …

Dance like no one's watching ...

2008-09-20T14:29:00.005-03:00

It’s so easy to get caught up in life at Mount Allison. It’s the end of our second full week of classes and I’ve had quizzes, assignments, labs, meetings … we’re already in the thick of things. After a while life develops this rhythm, this beat that is the background for everything that happens. This is the epitome of university life though.

Yesterday was Friday, I had a full day of classes, I TA-ed a lab in the afternoon and then I went home and had a few late-afternoon beers with my friends on what was a gorgeous, sunny Friday. We went to meal hall for dinner and then came home and had a few more drinks here. Around 9:00 we left for a concert on Bridge Street. The concert was fantastic. It was a band called Hey Rosetta that I’ve never heard of before. I’ve been to a few things with live music this summer but none of them compared to last night. The atmosphere was so great. I ended up in the mosh pit surrounded by all my friends stepping on each others toes and falling over into each other and hugging people randomly every few minutes and laughing and cheering and dancing. I think we all felt safe and happy and free; we danced like no one was watching. I also had someone’s shoulder collide into my nose that proceeded to bleed, my left big toe hurt for ages afterwards because of how many people jumped on it, my lip got cut in another collision … but none of it mattered. It was amazing. We ended the night at Ducky’s (one of the two nicer bars in town) followed by pizza at A1 (a pizza place conveniently close to the two nicer bars in town). And then we came home and went to bed.

I woke up this morning feeling great. I had a meeting at meal hall at 12:00 so I went with a group for brunch; coffee and cereal and lots of laughing about last night. I headed upstairs to this ‘conference room’ they have in meal hall. I had lunch while we talked about how international students and Canadian students can integrate better. It’s a frustrating topic for me because I can’t really relate to it. I’m happy at Mount Allison. I have friends from all over Canada and all over the world and where a person is from has very little bearing on my interactions with them. We’re just people. All if have to say is, international students – go out and make an effort to make friends and get involved. Integration isn’t going to fall into our laps … we have to live it. Anyway, that’s another university thing: a Saturday afternoon lunch-meeting.

In about half an hour I have an intramural softball game. I’m playing on the Thornton team (obviously). It’s a blast. I haven’t made it on to base yet but who cares? It’s so much fun just to be out there.

When I get back from that I have a ton of work to do. Papers and reading and labs …

At 7:00 there’s a talk by Lester Brown, the founder of the World Watch Institute. He’s a really big deal. He turned down the IMF to come talk at Mount A – or at least that’s the story going around. Mount Allison has named this the ‘Year of the Environment’ and Lester Brown is very, very involved in “eco-economics” (his word) and sustainable development and all the other hugely important environmental issues that are becoming more and more a part of our collective consciousness. I’m looking forward to it. “You say you want a revolution? Well, you know, we all want to change the world …” (Revolution, The Beatles).

When that’s done I’ll be back here working away for the rest of the night.

But this is university life. School and friends and music and meetings and saving the world and dancing like no one’s watching. It’s just all one crazy dance where you do what you have to do and you don’t give a damn what people think about you. This is real living. This is the life that anyone at Mount Allison can have if they go out to find it. It’s exciting.

And that’s all I have to say for now. Dance like no one is watching. It’s the only way to do it right …

'All This Beauty', The Weepies (the only place I could find it was on the soundtrack for the new Sex and the City movie; don't judge.)

Summer Skin

2008-08-30T14:00:00.004-03:00

Squeaky swings and tall grass
The longest shadows ever cast
The water's warm and children swim
And we frolicked about in our summer skin

Five friends and a life that was entirely our own … in the end, I think that’s what I’ll remember from summer in Sackville. Horace, Kevin, Justin, Rhiana and me. We might never live together again, we might not have reunion dinners like we’ve planned, our inside jokes will be replaced by new ones … but I think we’ve walked away from summer in Sackville with some indescribable bond … something that will hold us together, even if we drift apart.

Jona was with me through it all – my rock, as always.

What will I think of when I think of summer in Sackville?

26 Estabrooks
Jona
Horace, Kevin, Rhiana, Justin, Jess, and Jon
Rizwan and Faisal
Cate, Ryan, Mike
Noah
The Kookie Kutter
70 Salem
Tree planters
Madeleine’s bike
Across the Universe
Cooking
4th anniversary
iPod
Juno
Silver Lake
Risk
Kenny vs. Spenny
The Dark Knight
My Puma shoes
Sappy Fest
Talking
Admissions
Pay-checks
Coffee
Hangovers
PEI
Dooly’s
Packed lunches
Skunk
Rain
Walks
The Kite Runner
Guitars
The Quarry
Swings
Bridge Street Café
Packages from home
Green
Last.fm
Music …

Summer was a lot of things … but most of all it’s something intangible that’s more a feeling than a memory. It’s a feeling of change and struggle. It’s a feeling of happiness and comfortable friendship. It’s a feeling that makes me smile.

I don't recall a single care
Just greenery and humid air
Then Labour Day came and went
And we shed what was left of our summer skin

As I sit on the verge of a new school year, I have to let go of summer. I find myself partly wishing that the summer could have gone on forever. I loved my house, I loved my roommates, I loved the changes I saw in myself and the people around me. It was a different kind of life. In many ways it was a better life. I didn’t want to come back to this room in Thornton … this one room that will be my home for the next eight months.

But … now that I’m back in Thornton and people are slowly coming back, I find myself accepting and even looking forward to the next eight months. I’ve come out of this summer feeling older, more prepared and much happier. I’ve come out of this summer with closer, stronger friendships.

It’s time to let the summer go and prepare for this next phase of my life … time to shed my summer skin …

On the night you left I came over
And we peeled the freckles from our shoulders
Our brand new coats so flushed and pink
And I knew your heart I couldn't win
Cause the seasons change was a conduit
And we left our love in our summer skin.

Walking in the Sky

2008-07-15T19:58:00.003-03:00

I feel like life has suddenly gotten busy. I guess I’ve just become used to my somewhat sedentary existence.

I said in my last blog that I might be working at Admissions starting August. The plan now is that I’ll work there two days a week (Mondays and Tuesdays) and I’ll work Wednesdays through Fridays at the Kookie Kutter. It works for me. It means fewer days at the Kookie Kutter which I’m sure I’ll be grateful for. It’ll also let me work a five-day week which means more $$ and, when it comes down to it, unfortunately that’s what it’s all about. I was in yesterday from 11 to 4:30 and it was good. AJ (the guy I’m ‘replacing’) was there to show me the ropes. He’s a sweetheart. He bought me lunch and we had a good time. I'll go in a few more times this month before he leaves so that I can sort of get a handle on things before I'm on my own. I’m going in again on Friday just for this week (so that I can get two days in) and I’ll start with Mondays and Tuesdays next week.

As part of my new ‘I am at the mercy of the Admissions Office’ thing, I was asked to meet with a woman called Geetha … Something from an international school in Bangalore (in India, for my non-Indian readers). I guess it was assumed that we’d find something to talk about since we're both Indians. Because, you know, all Indians know each other. Ironically, the six degrees of separation thing proved to be true. And it wasn’t even six degrees between us. She knows a woman who was Jonathan’s dorm parent at Kodai and I knew her well enough too. Apparently Geetha and this woman, Mrs Winfred, are really good friends. Who’d have thought? That made me happy. It’s strange to think about Geetha going home and talking about having met me – the people she talks to will think of me here and not really know what to see or what to feel. The same is true for me imagining them – they would be familiar but so far away and … intangible. It feels sort of looking through the wrong end of a telescope. It’s a strange juxtaposition of a sense of closeness and of vast distance at the same time. You’re looking through the wrong end of the telescope so, even though you know the actual object isn’t very far away, through the telescope it seems miles away. That’s sort of the feeling I have, except in reverse, I guess. Home and my family and Jona feel so close to me. I have every face, every tree, every street memorized that I can see them in my mind and I can visit any time I want. But I know that in truth, they’re thousands of miles away well beyond my actual reach. It’s slightly bewildering. It’s an optical illusion for the mind and the heart. Have you ever walked holding a mirror straight out in front of you so that it reflects sky? You look down and you expect to see your feet, but what you see is the sky and although your feet know where to take you, you also sort of feel like you’re walking in the sky and that you might fall. I’m full of analogies today. It’s just that it's hard to describe. Everything feels familiar and yet strange, close and still far … it's pretty weird.

The new school year is looming over me like a very dark cloud. I still have a scheduling nightmare to figure out: Thank you small liberal arts school with too few students to warrant multiple sections; Thank you Biology Department for your silly restricted courses and the rigmarole that puts us poor students through … and also for scheduling the lab for three different classes in the same slot so that we can only sign up for one of the three. Awesome!! Do you know what I’m taking because NOTHING ELSE FITS? Classics and Religion. Yup, essential parts of a Bachelor of Science in Biology. And yes, the tone of bitterness is genuine. Sigh. What ever am I to do? (And in light of that, I got side-tracked and managed to register for one more class for the Fall which at least solves half of my problem, and I wrote to the ‘Registration Helpdesk’ for assistance in sorting out my Winter term.) Anyway: dark school cloud. I can’t believe two and a half months of the summer have already gone by. Crazy. Thinking about going back to school is exhausting. But, it’s a new year that will hopefully be everything this last year should have been. I have a new room, a new schedule, a new attitude … hopefully a new start. I’ll do it right this time.

So. To end my spur-of-the-moment post, here’s Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd, a band that is one of my top-five all-time favourites (accompanied by Paul Simon, Dave Matthews (Band) … and two others I can’t quite decide on). Here’s to everyone I wish was here. Honestly, I wish I was there, but yea. Here’s to them …

The World Spins Madly On

2008-07-10T20:19:00.002-03:00

A special anniversary edition:

Today, the 10^th of July, is Jona and my anniversary. Four years ago today as we were walking in the front door of my house at home a few days before I started 11^th grade, Jona asked me out. It was the beginning of what has been the hardest and most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. Here we are – Jona’s done with school, I’m heading into my third year of university … we’re all grown up. : ) SIGH. And four years later, we’re still on opposite sides of the planet. It’s ‘Musical Continents’ for people in love. In fact, now that I’m thinking about it, it’s more like Musical Continents combined with Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Donkey combined with an obstacle course of some kind. We’re hopping around the planet like there’s no tomorrow, we’re blind folded, we’re a little dizzy and we basically have no idea where we’re going except when circumstances yell at us in a ‘you’re hot’ or ‘you’re cold’ kind of way, and there’s all kinds of crap that we keep bumping into and having to crawl under or through or over top of. Really it’s a pain and we’re going to come out scratched up and bruised and dirty, but there’s a pretty sweet prize waiting at the end. (How’s that for an instant metaphor?!)

This is the first of four anniversaries we haven’t been together for. It’s been a little hard. We only got … 15 and a half hours when it was the 10^th for the both of us, or, if you look at it the other way, we got 32 and a half hours when we can say it’s the 10^th for one of us and we can continue celebrating. We got a quick hour of talking in the morning and then an hour and a half or so this afternoon. We got in a phone call too which was nice. At some point my cheeks were hurting from smiling and laughing so much and I described it as a big ball of happiness. It’s hard but who says distance is insurmountable? (People do … and they’re lying.)

In other news … I may not be working at the Kookie Kutter much longer. I got an offer from the Admissions office for the University and I’ll be working there part-time for the rest of July so that I can be trained by the person who’s job I’ll be taking (he’s going home) and then I’ll be full-time in August when he’s gone. That’s one month of less torture and better hours. I’m quite excited. Although, over the last couple of days since I’ve known that I’ll probably be leaving the Kookie Kutter, I actually think I’m going to miss it. Not it, the people. I’ve made friends with all the women (and the few men) that I work with and they’re the ones who make the job bearable. If not for good co-workers, I’d have probably quit ages ago. (That’s actually not true because it’s not in my nature to give up when things get hard, but still.)

And that’s the story. Every day things are a little bit less of a mess (give or take the little bit of chaos that is a normal part of life), every day I’m a little closer to seeing Jona again, every day is another day lived and another day older. And the world spins madly on.

Here’s to Jona and me and many, many years to come!

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
And let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you'd gone
And the world spins madly on.

World Spins Madly On, The Weepies

New Look

2008-07-01T21:54:00.002-03:00

Don't be alarmed. You've found the right blog. I'm just trying a new look.

Tune in, Turn Off, Drop Out, Drop In, Switch Off, Switch On, and Explode

2008-06-22T21:48:00.003-03:00

“Tune in, Turn Off, Drop Out, Drop In, Switch Off, Switch On, and Explode” This is originally a Timothy Leary quote that also featured in Across the Universe. It’s a bit like this summer. It feels like being young, I guess. Like finding yourself. Like learning who you want to be.

My first year here at Mt A has been surprisingly painful. When I graduated from high school and especially after my gap year, I had developed an image of myself as a well-adjusted, grounded, strong, intelligent person. And then I went and made a bunch of terrible decisions and almost lost everything that I’ve worked really hard for my whole life. Instead of being what I thought I was and what I wanted to be, I was weak and stupid. I think maybe I should have gone home this summer. I worried I’m going to find that I needed to go home more than I allowed myself to believe. We shall see.

I’ve shared this summer with my roommates and my friends and Jona … but essentially I’ve had this time to be alone and figure things out. A lot happened in the last year that has had repercussions that go fairly deep. I’ve spent the summer so far peeling it all away, layer by layer, and processing everything one layer at a time. I think plunging to the heart of it and addressing it all at once would be too difficult. There’s a machine in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy called the Total Perspective Vortex that shows anyone placed in it the “entire unimaginable infinity of the universe with a very tiny marker that says "You Are Here" which points to a microscopic dot on a microscopic dot.” (Wikipedia) Supposedly, the mind of anyone placed in this Vortex will be totally destroyed by the weight of this perspective. I guess this would sort of be like that … in a less Zaphod Beeblebrox-y kind of way.

It’s weird how painful growing up can be. Total honesty. That’s what it needs – absolute and complete honesty with oneself, about oneself. It’s hard when you find you’re not who or what you wanted to be.

There’s a person I missed this year that I haven’t talked about much, or at all. My best friend from high school. Rokimi. Kimi, to me. In school we were inseparable. We got through the IB together. We giggled. All the time. We spoke Spanish to each other a lot. I’ve forgotten most of my Spanish since we graduated. We listened to good music and read great books and shared it all with each other. We refused to go to the bathroom together because it was just way too girly and we were better than that. I made sure she had pens and knew what our homework was. She was the first person I told when Jona asked me out and I was absolutely bursting open with happiness. And of course, in typical Kimi fashion she just laughed at me. She always laughed at me. And I laughed at her. And we made sure neither of us took things too seriously. She accepted my insane obsessive compulsiveness even though it completely contradicted every one of her tendencies. She cried just as much as I did when another friend and I went to put her on a bus after grad. That was two years ago. It’s been two years since we’ve seen each other. We hoped we’d get to go to the same university but that didn’t work out. I worried that she wouldn’t have pens that that she’d miss all her classes. I missed her this year. As she said, Facebook really doesn’t substitute for physical presence. I've never been much of a girly girl. I wouldn't say I have 'girlfriends'. I haven't hung out in a group of exclusively girls since ... 10th grade. But I miss Kimi with every bit of me. I miss my second other half (Jona being the first other half). I miss being able to just talk without having to explain anything and just know that I'll be understood. She's only a few hours across the border into the States. Maybe I'll get to see her some time soon.

Month two of this summer is through. It’s weird. At the start of the summer, when I was saying bye to people, we kept commenting on how long four months really is. But it’s not. We’re half way through already and I’m starting to get that vaguely panicky feeling that comes with knowing that you don’t have much time left and you feel like you need to start making the most of every free moment. So: Tune in, Turn Off, Drop Out, Drop In, Switch Off, Switch On, and Explode!

Alexi Murdoch, Orange Sky

Thou Mayest

2008-06-08T22:05:00.006-03:00

A few days from now Jonathan will get on a plane and before we know it, he and I will be back to the same old same old on opposite sides of the world. Big sigh, little shrug of the shoulders, and on we plod. Two clichés keep me going: ‘C’est la vie’ and ‘This too shall pass’. They’re true. We’ve lived by them for the last four years and I have no doubt that they’ll continue to be true. And anyway, what’s a few thousand miles, right? Surely love transcends space and time? Yes … with a lot of grumbling. My lyricism and a box of magnetic poetry once produced:

‘My first thought before or after
Goes toward you, where love is.
The bridge to a perfect world
An ocean between his reality and hers.’

That was a few years ago and I thought that now that I was here in Canada and Jona was trying to find a job in Toronto, it would just become something that reminded us of the four long and hard years. But I guess that was wishful thinking; good things don’t come so easy. Ah well. C’est la vie …

I recently finished reading John Steinbeck’s East of Eden which may be one of the best books I’ve ever read. It’s what I describe as epic because it covers large time spans and many families and people. Anyone who’s ever read The Thornbirds by Colleen McCullough would know what I mean. Anyway, the book talks about a Hebrew word: timshel. The context in which this word becomes contentious is in the Biblical story of Cain and Abel.

The story tells how the brothers, Cain and Abel, bring offerings to God. Abel, a shepherd, brings a lamb sacrifice and Cain, a farmer, an offering of harvested plants. God is pleased with Abel’s offering but unhappy with Cain’s. Cain becomes angry and God asks him why he is angry and says, “If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? And if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.” Cain then takes his brother out to a field and in jealous anger, kills him. Later God asks Cain where his brother is and, in discovering that Cain has murdered his brother, he banishes Cain. But, God also puts a mark on Cain so that were anyone to kill Cain “vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold.” The important words of this story are God’s words “thou shalt rule over him.” This is a promise God makes to Cain saying that Cain will conquer evil. In other translations these words are read as ‘do thou’ – an order. And, in the original Hebrew version the word is ‘timshel’ which means ‘thou mayest’ – a choice. One may choose to conquer evil or not. It is not an order to be obeyed, nor a promise which then requires no effort on our part – but rather, it is a choice for us to do or not do. A character in the novel says there is godliness in choice.

This has made a big impact on me. This isn’t to say that I didn’t understand that I have a choice to live my life the way I wish or that I didn’t understand free will or anything so literal, but rather that it sort of functions as another one of those clichés like ‘C’est la vie’ or ‘This too shall pass’. Thou mayest. What ever it is, thou mayest, or equally, thou mayest not.

Thou mayest love or not love. Thou mayest forgive or not forgive. Thou mayest do right or do wrong. Thou mayest work hard or not, be honest or not, be kind or not. In choice there is power and freedom. I think it’s fantastic. So yea ... food for thought.

This song is for the next few months that are going to be long and hard: All My Loving, by the Beatles.

Chasing Cars

2008-06-03T15:46:00.003-03:00

It’s been a while since my last post. My apologies. There are a few valid reasons though.

Jonathan was here for a week and a half. Initially we had only planned for him to be here a week but I got a few unexpected days off work because they were fixing the kookie kutting machine and so Jona stayed three days longer. The week and a half was incredible and desperately needed. It gets very hard to be away from each other for such long periods of time. Sadly it looks like we’ll be doing it again. Jona will be heading home to India pretty soon to find a job there since Canada didn’t turn out to be particularly fruitful. And then we’ll be doing what we’ve done for the last four years, except in reverse. Before, I was in India and he was in San Francisco and now he’ll be in India and I’ll be here in Sackville. It’s a little demoralizing but they say people do crazy things for love. Things will be a little bit harder and a little bit sadder but otherwise essentially the same and life will go on.

That was reason number one. Reason number two was that the monitor I was using died. It was lent by a friend (Stuart) who couldn’t lug it home for the summer. It took a while for me to get in touch with him to get instructions to fix it and then it turned out that the monitor was simply refusing to be fixed. I managed to check my email and such once a day on one of my roommate’s computer but that was it – not enough time or comfort to sit down and write a blog.

Work has been cutting us back a fair bit. I only worked three days last week and I won’t work more than four this week because we had Saturday, Monday and Tuesday off. I’m a little irritated and concerned by the whole thing because they said they’d be increasing production and I know I’m no Einstein but I do understand that more cookies cannot be baked in fewer days. Anyway, for now it looks like I’ll be working at least 20 hours a week which is enough to keep my afloat. Less than that and this won’t be a job at all. I have nothing else though so I have to stick it out no matter what happens.

In spite of not working, the days have been full enough. Sleeping late, reading, watching movies, cooking and hanging out have kept me fairly busy. It’s a rare night now when it’s just Horace, Kevin and I. Justin has moved in with Rhiana because his landlord was giving him a hard time and so they’re over almost every night. Faisal and Rizwan come over fairly often to, and most evenings end up being a bit of a party – or at least a large, happy family gathering. It’s great. Without that, this would have been a pretty miserable summer.

My Indian cooking is improving steadily. I think my mother would be proud. The rice that I used to burn has become something I can do with my eyes closed. I made really good alu gobi (potato and cauliflower) yesterday and almost equally good rajma (red kidney bean curry). And I think the rajma can be excused because it’s the first time I’ve attempted it. This afternoon when I was cooking the rajma, I threw cumin seeds into hot oil and when they were done, I threw in chopped onions and the smell was so strongly reminiscent of home. I hadn’t realized it until I smelled it but the smell of roasted cumin and frying onions is the smell of my mum cooking. It made me really happy. I then proceeded to make a bit of a mistake and I added too much of a spice and the curry started to smell a bit strange. I wished my mum was there to tell me what to do to fix it. The spice was turmeric powder which has a slightly strange bitter taste that, in excessive quantities can be fairly disgusting. But, it all turned out fine in the end. I feel like I should start documenting my recipes but they’re never the same twice in a row and it might be a bit pointless. Anyway, just as an update, my cooking skills are improving rapidly and I’m feeling rather pleased with myself.

I guess that’s all for now. I’ll try and be a bit better with my posting from now on.

Here's a song that makes me think of Jona - Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol.

The days are shambling by ...

2008-05-15T22:09:00.002-03:00

The days are shambling by in a vague, unmemorable kind of way. Mellow, but unmemorable.

Work is dull and repetitive. It’s paying the bills so I’m grateful, but it’s definitely nothing special. I did deposit my first pay-check today. It gave me a bit of a kick. I also had a three day weekend (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday) that was much needed. Believe it or not, after a point, 80,000 cookies a day starts to make you crazy and it gets harder and harder to get out of bed every morning knowing that in an hour or so, you’ll be biking to work to pack cookies for seven-odd hours. Anyway, the three days gave me some time to recoup, do some much-needed shopping, reading, sleeping, cleaning … the usual stuff that a summer vacation should be. No parents here, though. No vacation days starting at noon. No chance to go through 500-page books in days simply because one had all the time in the world to sit under a tree and read. I have to admit that slothfulness has become less and less attractive with each year that goes by. I distinctly remember a summer where I slept so much I made myself sick. I’ve been waking up at 6:00 (give or take a few minutes) every morning. So far, I’ve been looking at my clock, thinking, “Hell no!” and going back to bed. But one of these days I’ll get up and do something. I can feel it coming. I start at 11:00 tomorrow so I get a few less hours of tedium … but a few less dollars too. It’s an odd balance between hating my boss for asking me to come in early and being thankful that she did because it means that much more money.

“Money, get away.
Get a good job with more pay and you’re okay.
Money, it’s a gas.
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash.
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I’ll buy me a football team”

Pink Floyd. Anyone?

Anyway. In other (AWESOME!) news, Jona gets here on Saturday night. I’ll get the 7:30 bus to Moncton to go pick him up and I guess we’ll take a cab back. The plan is that he’ll spend a week here with me. Needless to say, I can’t wait. It’s been just over four months since I last saw him – probably the shortest time we’ve ever been apart – and it still feels like it’s been forever. It was the shortest, but it’s probably been among the hardest waits. It seems to be getting harder with practice. I guess that’s just another of life’s sad and frustrating ironies. Ah well, I have no complaints. In 48 hours, I’ll be in the Moncton airport minutes away from seeing Jona and that’s more than good enough for me. And it’s a long weekend again this week. Victoria Day. Although, can I just say that I think it’s cheating to celebrate Victoria Day on the Monday closest to her actual birthday and not on her birthday itself? It’s not criticism because it works just fine for me, it’s just a comment. Back to the point: Jona. This coming week should be significantly more memorable. It’s nice. Jona got to see Sackville in the middle of winter, and now he gets to see it just as spring is getting going and things are looking fresh and gorgeous. I took Friday and Saturday off next week so that we can get a few more un-cookie-interrupted days before he hops on a plane back to Toronto.

Alright. I am bed-ward bound. More from me soon …

Summer in Sackville

2008-05-05T21:34:00.012-03:00

Summer in the Sack has officially begun. I have a house, I have a job, there are leaves on the trees and it has been about 15°C for almost a week straight. And, after months of desolate whiteness, that’s a big deal for me. I keep bouncing up to bushes and gardens with flowers and gushing over how pretty they are. My friends are humouring me but whatever. I happen to find joy in simple things. I think it’s uplifting.

So. The story is that I have a house with two friends from Thornton and two other people. So far it’s looking like it’s going to be a lot of fun. We haven’t started bickering yet but I’ll keep you posted on that.

My job is a nightmare. I’m working at the Kookie Kutter (yes, with K’s. It’s a shame, really) which is a supposedly famous bakery in town. It’s a sweatshop. Don’t let the wonderful ginger snaps have you fooled. I spend all day packing cookies into little plastic boxes that cut my fingers occasionally and most of the time I don’t even notice until I wash my hands and there’s a new cut that stings. It’s started getting really hot, too. The building is pretty much just one big room with the area divided off into different things. There’s the machine that takes the dough and punches out little cookie rectangles that five or six people frantically arrange onto trays as fast as they can. Someone takes these trays and puts them on a rack. Someone else comes and gets the rack and moves it over to the six ovens and loads them in. When buzzer goes off, someone comes and takes them out and moves them into a back room that has an entire wall opening to the outside where two gigantic fans and the colder air outside cools them down. Someone else then brings the racks back out to all the people packing cookies. The cookie packers (me included) take trays to their work station, pack the cookies into the boxes (we have to count and pack a specific number according to how heavy we want each box), dust off the crumbs from the cookie sheet, and take a new tray … as quickly as possible so that we go through the 72-odd buckets of dough every day. That amounts to approximately 80,000 cookies. Take a moment to ponder that. EIGHTY THOUSAND cookies. Crazy. Anyway. That’s my job. It’s pretty terrible. But the people are really nice. And it’s a job. Which is better than no job. So, for future reference, any time I decide to bitch and whine about it, just know that deep inside, I’m actually quite grateful … very deep inside, maybe, but grateful none the less. And, food for thought – four words: Oompa Loompas on speed.

I started a book today: East of Eden by John Steinbeck. It’s really good. I’m about 50 pages into it and I’m thoroughly enjoying it. I can’t really remember the last time I sat on my bed and read a good book. Probably before I left home in August last year. But that not just Mount A’s doing, to its credit. I never have time to read when I’m in school. But, that’s what four month vacations are for, even if they are filled, for the most part, with endless streams of cookies. Which made me think, “Words are flying out like endless rain into a paper cup, they slither while the pass they slip away across the universe …” which then led me to think about the movie, Across the Universe which is, to say the very least, AWESOME! And, because I am known for my wisdom and good advice, you should go and immediately rent or buy or (but you didn’t hear this from me) illegally download it. Because it’s that good.

It seems as though my boys (Kevin and Horace who have, until now, been totally at a loss as to what to do in the kitchen without my assistance) have cooked dinner and I will be needed downstairs shortly.

So, here’s to the start of my second week of summer in Sackville. Here’s to the sunshine, the drudgery of my job, the friends, my family far from me, and the next four months that will be both wonderful and horrible at the same time.

Because it's one of my favourites (I'd love to give you the one from the movie but that would ruin it for you).

Let it Be, The Beatles

What I'm Waiting For ...

2008-04-13T11:28:00.002-03:00

It’s that time of year again: 8 hours a day in Jennings watching the ebb and flow of people coming to eat, listening to the inane conversations people have over their food, the endless cups of coffee, that odd association my mind makes between stress and Christmas and the smell of the soap in the washroom, the vague feeling of panic, the desperate wishes for more hours in a day …

Yup. It’s that time of year again. My exam schedule is slightly brutal: Wednesday morning, Wednesday night, Thursday morning … four days off … Tuesday afternoon, Tuesday night and then I’m done … in an explosion of pain and horror. : ) I exaggerate although, I would like to address the cruel Powers That Be and just say that I think it’s a little bit (and by that I mean, a lot) unfair that my two hardest exams were put on the same day with just two hours between them. Just saying …

I finally have a place to live for the summer. My passport arrived in the mail on Friday. Yay. I don’t have a job yet. I don’t have a work permit. I haven’t renewed my study permit or my student visa. I still have 5 exams to do. But I do have a house and a passport that’s valid till 2018. Baby steps …

My parents sent me a package of Nostalgia-in-a-Box for my birthday. Pictures from home and the endless wanderings they’ve been on in the last few months. Their kids leave and their feet promptly turn into wheels and they hit the road like a pair of nomads. I want to be 50 and empty-nested and free to do whatever I want. Anyway. Box of Nostalgia. Pictures from home, a sari (yes, 6 feet of cloth can be put in a box that’s 4 x 10 x 15 with a whole mess of other stuff), a stuffed sheep (also from their wanderings), a piece of cloth that’s leftovers from material my mum once made pyjamas for my brother and I with. The cloth smells like my mum. There’s this really distinct smell that all her clothes have and this must have been nestled into her cupboard with all her other stuff and it smells like her. Its got snails, owls, koala type thingies, mice, and numbers on it. It’s baby blue. There was a letter from my mum and a little note from my dad. There’s a note I once sent to the tooth fairy. Apparently I’d just had a tooth extracted. Other stuff.

I cried all through opening it and looking at everything. It’s odd to be so far from everything that was everything not so long ago. I don’t think about missing home all the time, I don’t feel sad all the time, but when something comes along to show me what I miss, I remember why I miss it and all the suppressed feelings come rushing out as though they’ve been waiting for the opportunity. It’s hard to describe what it feels like. It’s very lonely. It’s a little bewildering because it evokes a whole cascade of questions and doubts and “Why am I here?”s. A lot of it is just sad because there’s nothing that can be done about it. It’s happy too, I guess, because it shows you what you really love and what it’s like to love something or someone so much that it hurts so much. And then it passes. There’s nothing harder than trying to get work done when all you want to do is cry and kick and scream. So you take deep breaths, swallow hard, and the tears go away.

It’s a little hard to believe that in 10 days this year will be over. Crazy.

Ok. Back to my books.

Here’s my favourite Calvin and Hobbes strip. Jona and I have a Calvin and Hobbes thing. He’s Hobbes: patient, grounded, the go-to guy when things are a mess. I’m Calvin: silly kid, figuring things out, full of hare-brained ideas. Together we’re partners in crime, full of laughs and hugs and endless happy hours. Everything about them in this strip is happy and free. They’re best friends and they couldn’t love each other more. There’s absolute comfort, nothing to hide, no reservations. It makes me happy. It’s what I’m waiting for …

Warm and Fuzzy

2008-04-06T21:11:00.005-03:00

Two blogs in two days! This is a record. I was feeling pensive and slightly guilty for my general silence over the last few months and, since I’m too tired to keep working for today, I thought another blog was in order.

Something that’s been long over due is a big thank you to Nathan, Madeleine, Kelly, Noah, Rhiana, Justin, Faisal, and Stewart. (Not necessarily in that order and God I hope I haven’t forgotten anyone!) Here’s the story:

I’ve had a fairly crappy semester. This is contributed to by a number of different things including winter, passport troubles, and homesickness. I was going to be in San Francisco with Jonathan over March/Feb Break but the stupid Consulate General of India (in Toronto) screwed up and renewed my passport for one year instead of ten years which created a whole slew of problems and prevented me from going to San Francisco to see Jona. (It was all a bit complicated and I’m noting going to explain it – just take my word for it). So, I very glumly sat around Sackville for 9 days studying pretty much non-stop and being fairly productive (but miserable). The weekend after everyone got back from March/Feb break, I was invited to meet at 5:00 on Saturday for an evening of cards and/or board games. This seemed rather peculiar (awesome word!!) because an Evening of Board Games is not the standard university student choice for a Saturday night and Noah was being oddly pushy about it. Anyway, I said that, work permitting, I would be there.

On Friday night Nathan came by my room and we were chatting about whatever. At some point he asks me, “Do you like Indian food?” I was a little bit bewildered and I responded with a more-confused-than-snarky, “In India we just call it food.” I didn’t think anything more of it.

I was working most of Saturday and then at around 5:00 I decided to go and find people so that they wouldn’t have to come down and drag me away from my books and complain about how much I work and how little they see of me. I headed to the third floor lounge because that tends to be where all our gatherings take place to find everyone in the kitchen cooking madly. There was a general hush and awkward silence when I walked in the door and a brave – but pathetic (sorry guys) – attempt to cover it up. I wandered around offering to help and it soon dawned on me that they were cooking Indian food. Two and two clicked and I got all choked up. Yes, I admit it. There was no actual weeping – though it was pretty borderline for a while there. I gave hugs and thank-you’s all around and proceeded to have an awesome evening.

They had decided (although I hear this was Noah’s idea originally) that as I was feeling rather miserable, I needed cheering up and what better than good Indian food? I have to say that in my expert Indian opinion, the food was great. The menu was: basmati rice, butter naan, butter chicken, aloo-gobi, daal, another kind of chicken, channa, and lassi (if I forgot anything, please take it as testament to my poor memory rather than as a reflection on the quality of the food because the food was wonderful).

So, fabulous friends of mine: thank you (again, and this time, in writing) for giving me the warm and fuzzies. You guys are amazing. ♥

Teenagers and Spring

2008-04-05T16:13:00.009-03:00

It’s my 20^th birthday on Tuesday. I’m rather pleased with myself for having gotten this far. Being able to drink in

Canada

was one birthday ago and it’s now old news. Being able to drink in the

is still a year away and while I wait with some amount of anticipation, that’s not too big a deal, either. 20 is special, though. I’m officially leaving my teens behind. Oh the angst-y teens. At 19 I had actually started to feel like an adult and like I was taking control of my life. But 20 is the real stepping stone. Of course, I’m going to wake up on Tuesday morning knowing it’s my 20^th birthday and I’m not going to feel different at all. It’ll be just another ordinary day – except people might be a bit nicer to me and maybe someone will give me presents. : ) No. I promise that’s not what my excitement is about although, who are we kidding? Everyone loves presents.

What is it about being a teenager that I’m happy to leave behind? I found a website called Anger Central. The greeting on the page says, “Welcome to the angriest place on earth.” They have groups – listed alphabetically – that people can join and rant about whatever it is they are angry about. Some of the A’s are: Adoptees, Adults, Advisors, Alcohol Anonymous … Among the T’s is Teenagers. I wanted to know what the top 10 reasons to hate a teen were and these seem to sum them up fairly well. One mother was even moved to say, “HE NEEDS TO BE DROPPED FEET FIRST INTO A SWAMP FULL OF ANGRY CROCODILES!!!!!” Intense. I know. Anyway, this group has listed 18 reasons why they hate teens – the 18^th one is titled: Teenagers Suck. So the general consensus with the problems with teens is:

- Teens walk around school acting like they're God's gift to the world, passing judgment on everyone before they know them!
- Tens talk back and steal money.
- Teens are sissies acting like they have it rough. They have no idea what it's like to be real adult.
- Teens are stupid. If you can find one that can construct a complete sentence, you have a veritable Einstein on your hands.
- Teens are melodramatic.
- Teens try to sneak into bars under-aged.
- Teens thing that when they are surrounded by their friends, or play on the football team that they are invincible.

I guess I'm glad I'm not going to be a teen much longer. Although, I have to say in my defense:
- I never stole money.
- This blog can attest to the fact that I can, in fact, construct complete sentences. (A veritable Einstein, you say? Why thank you!)
- I have never tried to sneak into a bar under-aged. When I came to Canada, I was already 19.

I still meet 5 of the 8 criteria for being a hateful teen. I guess that’s ok. I was a teen. And if this is what teens do, then I guess it’s ok that I did it too. But, I am about to take a momentous leap out of what seems to be one of the most hated groups of people ever. Yay for me.

And, on another happy note, it seems that Sackville might be working up to spring. Spring is good. I’m definitely starting to pine for all things green. I hadn’t noticed how much the weather was getting to me until the sun came out and suddenly I was feeling so much more chipper. I’m looking forward to it. Grass and warmth and freedom from the walkways that are the only places where it’s possible to walk … it’s going to be great. Yay for spring.

So. With that, I leave you. It’s time for bed.

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday dear me-ee. Happy birthday to me!

Glass Half Full?

2008-03-27T21:26:00.005-03:00

Ok! All set for another, oddly timed blog. Fairy lights: check! Music: check! Tea: check (but how I wish it was coffee)!

I apologize, again, for the lack of devotion to my blog that I’ve shown in the last weeks. As usual, I’m going to plead Busy and hope that I’ll be forgiven.

I had my last midterm yesterday (I think it went really well!) and now we’re in the home stretch to finals. I have three lab exams next week. CURSE LAB EXAMS!!! But it’s a challenge, you see. A challenge to find out how much information you can cram into your head/notebook only to have it fall out as you write answers frantically on a page. A noble challenge! We have been sent in pursuit of Knowledge and that oh-so-revered Education. It means different things to different people. I’ve found that at Mt A, it means a lot of mindless memorization and regurgitation of facts. Let’s talk about classes.

Animal Bio: “Here’s a textbook. We’re covering 500 pages of it. Learn those pages and be able to regurgitate random facts x, y and z on request.”

Calculus: “Here’s a list of identities, half- and double-angle formulas, differentials, and integrals – memorize them. Here’s one and a half hours of class on Tuesday and Thursday morning. Here’s a prof who’s so terrible that only 6 out of the 80-odd people bother to come to class. We still expect you to know all the material.”

Sociology is shockingly unscientific and my ‘it’s-either-right-or-wrong’ brain is like “Whaaaaa …?” It a bit like: “Here’s a bunch of wishy-washy facts. Here’s a lecture that is sickeningly similar to Health and Values from 8^th grade. Here’s the Sociological Format for Citation. Yes, we will sadistically take of lots of points if you put a colon instead of a comma. And yes, it is because we like to torture little children (joking!). Here’s a grade. We can’t quite explain why it’s so different from your other grades or why exactly we decided on it. But there you go!”

Genetics: “Your lecture’s fun but you spend a lot of time talking about the Vegetable of the Month (in light of the fact that Mendel rather liked peas), vampires (there is a genetic disease whose symptoms are alleviated to some extent by drinking blood leading to the vampire myth), and short, many fingered people (dwarfism and tetrameliodactyly). You’re going to spend hours going through the slides for lecture put online because it goes too quick for you to do anything but listen in class. If you’re interested enough, you’ll get good grades.”

And Biochemistry: “Here’s the mechanism acid catalyzed formation of cyclic mannopyranose formed from D-mannose that is identical to glucose except for the position of the –OH group on the second carbon. Memorize that. Here are the two hundred and fifty steps of glycolysis - the breakdown of glucose to give pyruvate and ATP. Memorize those. You’re going to find it wonderfully interesting but no, I’m sorry, you cannot escape the mindless memorization.”

SIGH. Ok. No escape. I understand. At least it’s not all mind-numbingly boring. Well, memorization is fairly boring, but … c’est la vie (?). Animal Bio, or rather, Zoology (because it sounds cooler) is interesting and I am curious to know why a snail evolved to have it’s mouth right next to it’s anus. Biochem and Genetics are also very cool. Calculus = Pre-requisite and I Have To Take It. That’s all I have to say about that. And Sociology. Dearest Sociology, I had big hopes for you. They have been tragically dashed against the reality of arbitrary grading and the fact that it reminds me of Middle School. Sad.

Ok. Rant, rant. “Someone make her stop.” I hear you. Ok. I once read someone’s version of Hamlet abridged. It was: “Whine, whine, whine. To be or not to be. I’m dead.” I hope my blog isn’t like that. I try to be somewhat meditative and true to the facts. Maybe that’s not true. I do love sarcasm and hyperbole. And in all honesty, I only like hyperbole because it’s a fantastic word. (p.s. That wasn’t in all honesty: while hyperbole is a fantastic word, that’s not the only reason why I like it.) (Ok, so maybe I just lie all the time ...)

I’ll try and be better about my blogging. Three lab exams next week. And, let me say again, CURSE LAB EXAMS!!! Shhhh. It’ll be fine. We’re almost done. I might have a job, I might have a place to stay, I might get to spend a few months with my boyfriend, I might not go insane before summer. I’m hopeful. (It’s a glass-half-full kind of attitude where ‘might’ = ‘I’m feeling positive about’ as opposed to ‘I don’t know what the hell is going oooon!!!’

So. On that slightly backwards positive note, I’m going to bed.

I’ll leave you with my favourite song for today: Jack Johnson, Cocoon.

Diddle daddle ...

2008-03-20T00:05:00.005-03:00

Dear Readers,

I apologize sincerely for my long silence. Things have been busy and finally it’s all settling down again. I had two midterms and a paper due last week and a midterm on Monday. I had a SAC meeting that turned out to be almost four hours long last night and today I’ve done pretty much nothing all day. In fact, aside from my midterm on Monday, this has been one of my most mellow weeks all year. Monday, despite being very angst-filled, felt like a Saturday. On Tuesday I had two classes and a lab that was very short and I was done with classes at 2:00. This afternoon I had only three classes because my Calculus lab was canceled (oh joy!) and I was done at 12:30. Tomorrow my day goes till 4:00 with a Biochemistry lab which will be my longest day this week and we have Friday off because it’s Good Friday. Right now, I’m working on a lab report with my lab partner in my room and we’re getting through it with a healthy (?) amount of procrastination mixed in.

Ah, Procrastination. What a terrible, wonderful thing. The other day I got an email from a friend while I was studying for Calculus. I replied to him and a few minutes later I got a reply to my email and he said that he hadn’t been expecting a reply so soon. He put it down to the fact that I must be procrastinating. Just like he was. It struck me as rather incredible that he just knew. But I guess we all recognize our own bad habits in others and ignore them in ourselves in general anyway. The thing about procrastination is that it feels so good. You know how they talk about guilty pleasures? Procrastination is the greatest them of all. Instead of working, I can do something that I actually want to do and will enjoy. Owning a computer with an internet connection provides a fairly infinite supply of reasons to procrastinate because I don’t even have to move from my books and I can still convince myself that I am doing something. I’ve watched Eddie Izzard (if you don’t know who he is, look him and watch him on You Tube) live in San Francisco in a show called Dressed to Kill. This is divided into twelve approximately 9 minute installments. I’ve watched 45 minutes of Russell Peters (again, if you don’t know him, find him on You Tube or something) and studied Animal Bio simultaneously. Nathan takes the cake though: the other day he and Madeleine went to find a kite that they could fly. I thought that was exceptional brilliance as far as procrastination goes. Guilty pleasure aside, procrastination may actually be the largest affliction of university students. More than alcohol, drugs, sex … whatever you could possibly think of. Procrastination is the biggest evil. It’s kind of like a disease that creeps in without you really noticing it. “I’ll just take a 5 minute break” becomes and hour and a half spent at Jennings sitting around and doing nothing. “I’ll nap for half an hour” becomes three hours and suddenly the night is half over. “I’ll read one chapter” becomes hours spent with your nose buried in a book that has nothing to do with your midterm the next morning. It’s just a little scary. The Silent Killer, if you will. : ) One day, I hope to beat this monster down. For the time being, I shall continue to not learn from my mistakes and look forward to a long weekend filled with whole new potential for procrastination.

Here’s a cartoon Christina, my RA, put up in our bathroom. It’s rather apt.

Home

2008-03-02T21:12:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow is Monday. I’d just like to lament, briefly, about the linear nature of time. It’s been a long, quiet, peaceful week and it has, sadly, come to an end. Tomorrow is Monday and we are hopping back on the merry-go-round. It’s a little sad. I could have done with more time. It would have been nice if time had decided to take a wander and let this go on a few days more. I’d have been down for that. But, having said that, the linear nature of time will allow that in just over 8 weeks, I’ll be done with my exams and this mad year will be over.

Anyway. People started coming back on Thursday and, except for a few people, everyone is back from break. Some people are happy to be back. This is where they’ve spent the majority of the last however many years that they’ve been at Mt A and it’s where they feel the most at home. Some people are miserable because this isn’t where they want to be, because it’s not home. Home is such a subjective concept. It can be any or all of a number of things: a city, a person, a country, a building, a smell, a room … Everyone perceives it differently, experiences it differently, and longs for it differently,

They say home is where the heart is. My heart is all over the place. I remember a conversation I had with my mum a little while after I got here. I was telling her about something or the other and said, “and then I come home and …” or something to that effect. I was referring to Thornton, to my room and the people here. My mum said something like, “Home, huh?” and I had to do some quick talking to fix that. But that’s how it is. Here, at the end of a long day, I walk in the door of the house and breathe a big sigh. And then I walk in the door of my room and I breathe an even bigger sigh. Home again, finally! I throw my stuff casually across the room onto my bed, kick my shoes of, change into pajamas, and I’m home.

Whenever I say I miss Home, I always mean home with a capital H. Home: India, Kodai, my little town on my little hill on the other side of the world from me. That will always, always be Home. It's where I grew up. It's where I'll be whether it's 3 years or 10, from now – no matter where life takes me in between. That's my reference point in everything.

Having said that, I’m going to be here this summer and, as sad as it makes me, I’m fairly adamant about it. The only time my determination flickered was a couple of days ago when I was talking to Jonathan about his plans and that he might be going Home. It means it's going to be a long time before I see him again. That was the only time that being here this summer was potentially unbearable. As long as Jonathan’s here on this side of the world with me, I’m still ok. s long as Jonathan’s near me, I can deal with being far away from my family. And that’s another home I have, with Jonathan.

It’s an odd thing. And wonderful, too, I guess. Wherever we go we find places to call home. And, for most people, there’s always one place – be it where they are, or where they want to be – that they’ll always call Home.

Back to school tomorrow. In this place I’ve come to call home. This place that, one day, I think I’ll love. Back to class, back to this life. I hope the spinning of the merry-go-round won’t be as sickening. I hope, during this week off, I’ve calmed myself enough to do this again. I feel rested, I feel caught up, I feel ready. I’m a little nervous. This term hasn’t been easy – for a number of reasons – and I’m hoping, rather anxiously, that the second half of this will be better than the first half. I hope I’ve done my part, worked hard enough, and prepared myself for what’s to come. I think I have. It’s only a matter of time before we’ll see.

Here are two songs about home. The first, Homeward Bound by Simon and Garfunkel, again reminds me of my dad. It reminds me of lots of amazing nights with friends and family and my dad singing this song. The second is Home by Michael Bublé.

Spinning

2008-02-24T11:58:00.008-04:00

Every now and then we all need a break from our routines. A long time ago, in my first or second blog I wrote about routines and slipping into them, and how easy it was. Routines can be suffocating too. What happens, sometimes, is that the routine is so well-entrenched in your mind that you don’t even need to think about why you do something or what brought you to where you are. Everything becomes so automated that you start to forget the real reasons for what you do.

Reading Week or Spring Break or March Break or Feb Break or whatever it is we’ll all finally agree on calling it started on Friday afternoon. It’s the first break from the routine that we’ve had all term, the first chance to stop, breathe, and step back to asses the damage. I’d say the damage is fairly substantial. Maybe it’s the snow, the cold and the darkness, maybe it’s that I’ve been away from home a fairly long time now, maybe it’s that I started on the wrong foot and have been just a step or two behind this whole term. Maybe it’s nothing that can be explained away. The details are inconsequential. Let it suffice to say that the plan is to fix it.

Yesterday was my first Fix It day. I did laundry, cleaned my room, wrote LONG-overdue emails, shopped, did some homework and watched a movie. I also spent most of last week feeling pretty terrible because of a cold I picked up somewhere. A few nights of getting more than 4 hours of sleep did it a lot of good. As of this morning, apart from a stuffy nose, I’m feeling fine. So yesterday was a Fix It day. I feel like I attended to most aspects of my life. Me, my friends and family, my work … I thought it worked out pretty well. It felt like a day not wasted.

Today: more homework, another movie, soak in the sun that pours into my room and feel calm for a change. I realized that it’s not working that is, by nature, stressful. It’s the way in which we try and get our work done that’s stressful. So, now that I have this long and empty week in which to do nothing but be calm, I’m going to be calm while I get lots of work done.

Mt A is so different when mostly everyone is gone. I was saying to someone yesterday that, with everything so still and silent, I can’t decide whether it’s desolate or peaceful. I also said that my perception of it depends largely on the way I’m feeling at any given moment in time. I’m going to go with peaceful for now. I’m enjoying the solitude. Most of the time the world is spinning and churning around us and the only time we get to sort of step off the merry-go-round of chaos and lie still and alone and quiet for a while is in bed. And in the morning we hop right back on and go around and around in dizzying circles until it’s time for bed again.

So here I am: I’ve just stepped off the spinning madness, I stagger a little before I find my feet, and then I walk slowly away to sit and breathe before it all starts going in circles again.

Wild World

2008-02-16T12:43:00.017-04:00

Before I start, I’d like to apologize for my rather terrible posts the last couple of weeks. Things have been insane. I spent the entirety of Saturday and Sunday of both last weekend and the weekend before that in Meal Hall studying for midterms and, as I’m sure you can imagine, I wasn't really in the mood to write anything even half-way decent. Anyway. I apologize. I'm hoping things improve.

It’s a gorgeous Saturday morning. I was up just after 8:00, had a shower, went for breakfast with Nathan and now I’m in my room having quiet morning. It's really sunny out and, because of the the position of my room, I get sun coming in from around 9:00 in the morning right till the evening. It's really nice.

At breakfast this morning we talked about cartoons and kid shows from when we were growing up. A lot of the ones that came up were shows that never got aired in India but I had my own cartoons when I was growing up - and a lot of the same ones as here, too. By the time we left to come home, we were all feeling a little sad and nostalgic. It sucks not to be a kid.

On Thursday evening I was invited to Ron Byrne’s (the Vice Pesident – Student Affarirs) house for a reception. I was planning to just go in jeans and a sweatshirt but then it occurred to me that maybe I ought to put on something a little more decent. So I did that. And then I considered going to town quickly to pick up something to take but I decided I didn't need to. I left so I had enough time to get there just on time. On my way there it occurred to me that, even three or four years ago, when I was at home, it would have taken my mum to nag me into changing and making sure I was there on time and I was a little horrified at how I was all grown up. I did what I had to do without having any one to tell me.

This morning I was talking to Jonathan’s mum online and she was telling me that she could hear her sister trying to get Jonathan’s little cousin, Swati, to do her math homework and how it sounded like a rather fierce battle was about to ensue. It made me think of the calculus homework that I have to do and how, at some point this weekend, I’m going to sit down and do it, no matter how much I don’t want to. Because that’s what I need to do. There’s no one to tell me, no one to threaten me into doing it, no curfews, no nagging … just me, and knowing what I have to do.

I’m going to be 20 in a couple of months. 20 years old. Two whole decades. So really, I have no other choice but to be in control of my actions. And I want that control to a very large extent. I’m even deciding not to go home this summer for the same reason: I’m 20, it’s about time I tried to start taking care of myself, paying for myself, being in control … But on this beautiful Saturday morning I feel like I should be at home watching cartoons and waiting for my mum to nag me about something, instead of here in Canada, being in control of my life.

I miss being a kid. It’s not even the lack of responsibility that I miss because missing lack of responsibility is a completely retrospective feeling – I never appreciated the lack of responsibility then. What I miss is how I knew I was completely taken care of. If I didn’t know how to do a question my teacher had given me, there was someone to show me. If I couldn’t reach something on a shelf, there was someone to get it down for me. If I was a hungry, there was someone who’d make sure I had something to eat. If I was sad, there was someone to make me giggle. No matter what, I knew I was ok and that I’d be taken care of. And now? If things are falling apart I can’t stop, throw my head back and yell, “MUUUUUM!!!!!” and expect someone to come running to set everything right. I have to suck it up, and just deal with it. It’s sad. And awesome, too. Wasn’t it just this kind of independence that all that teenage angst was for? Oh the contradictions! Anyway. This morning I wanted to be a kid. So, in honour of that: here’s a song by Cat Stevens called Wild World. (Terrible video, by the way … you might want to just listen. I looked for a better one for ages and ages but it simply doesn’t exist – at least not for this version of the song.) The song might be about a man who’s lost his lover but to me, listening to my dad play it on the guitar and adoring him with every bit of me, it was always about my dad singing about me leaving home. So here’s to my dad, and home, and independence. Also, here’s six and a half glorious minutes of Tom and Jerry for those Saturday mornings of long ago.

p.s I've edited this since I first posted it on Saturday morning. I realized I'd made a few grammatical errors and the odd typo here and there. Also, the Tom and Jerry cartoon I first posted was called His Mouse Friday (like His Man Friday ... get?) and it was very racist so I changed it.

Darling, I wish I were your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.

2008-02-09T20:32:00.000-04:00

Calculus has consumed my life. But that’s entirely my fault because I’ve left my studying for the two days before the midterm and, once again, my procrastination has come full-circle and bitten me in the ass. Here’s another shout out to not learning from our mistakes!

I spent all day (starting at like 11:00) in Meal Hall studying today. It went pretty well though. I’m a little less than half-way through all the material and I seem to have absorbed it all and yea … it’s looking ok. I’m going to do a bit more after writing this and then I’m going to bed. And tomorrow will be a whole, new, wonderful Calculus-filled day. It’s going to be awesome.

I went out last night for the first time in a long time. (A month to the day, in fact.) FYI: the Olive Branch has cheap (but more expensive than last week) cocktails on Friday nights. If you’re looking for a night of mixing alcohol that comes in a rainbow of different colours and potential for hangovers, the Olive Branch is the place for you. I had four drinks in the span of about two and a half hours. It was a good time. And, just so you know, there was absolutely no trace of a hangover this morning. I did have a headache most of the afternoon but I’m going to credit that (probably quite fairly) to the Calculus. Anyway. Given the circumstances (i.e. the absence of Jonathan), it was a really good evening. All the right people, we were a smallish group, we had pleasant conversation, I got just the right buzz … it was good. And no hangover! Woot. I did miss out on Grease and Mary Poppins as the after-party but I guess after a point, I have to start making some sacrifices for Calculus. There’ll be other Friday nights. There’s a party in the Office tonight (I think I’ve mentioned this before but, the Office is the First Floor Lounge that, through the course of the year has somehow been named the Office). I’m not going for that either. More sacrifices. (Yes. I do think they should make me a saint and a martyr for Calculus. I can fairly guarantee that there’s no one who takes more pity on Calculus students than me. I truly feel their pain.)

I complain a lot. I know. It’s terrible, I really shouldn’t. Firstly, almost everything I complain about is something I’ve brought on myself and so, really, should have no right to complain about at all. And secondly, it’s really not as bad as I say it is. I get things done. Maybe I don’t sleep enough as I should but really, do we really need sleep? (I lie. I need sleep. I miss sleep.) And, I have lots of people who are there to keep me sane. Without them I probably would have reason to complain, but I do have them. And they’re all wonderful. (Ashra bursts into song …) “I get by with a little help from my friends …” No. Seriously.

Sigh. Anyway. Enough of that. I think I have a few more hours of Calc in me tonight. And then bed. Until next week …

(Here’s a picture from last night.)

Care a Little ...

2008-02-02T22:07:00.000-04:00

Welcome to my second attempt at this week’s blog. I tried last night with lots of very noble intentions of getting work done and being ahead on my to-do list etc etc but, as I exclaimed hyperbolically (Oh, what an awesome word!) to Jonathan, “I’ve got the worst writer’s block in the history of the world!!!” I ended up spending about two hours on it and then after about the 50^th read-through, decided that it was the most horrible piece of writing I’ve ever produced (Yes, I often use exaggeration to prove a point; the 50^th read-through bit is actually very possibly true.) and I deleted it all. I recently discovered it in my Recycle Bin and was overcome with renewed feelings of disgust. It was that bad. Truly.

My words are flowing a lot more effortlessly tonight. It’s because of the mood I’m in and the music I’m listening to. The mood is credit to a fairly decent day and the music is credit to iTunes (which allows sharing over the network) and Rhiana who owns the music I’m listening to – specifically, Michael Bublé. It’s mellow and it makes me want to be sitting by a fire on giant pillows with a lap to lay my head in and pleasant conversation. (Said lap, obviously, belongs to Jonathan.)

Fat chance. I am currently in the midst of pre-midterm panic and chaos. I spent all day today in Meal Hall studying for my Animal Biology midterm that’s on Monday morning. I also have a book to read, a paper to write and another midterm to study for. So no. No fires, no laps … just books and highlighter pens and fingers that hurt from writing too much.

My plan, at the start of term, was to (and I quote myself), “do everything I can to not make the same academic mistakes I made last semester.” But, instead of that, I went right ahead and made every single one of those same mistakes. Bueno! And it isn’t just me who falls into this trap. Everyone I know does this. So, I wonder how Homo sapiens sapiens managed to evolve into the 'pinnacle of creation' if it so consistently – as a species – fails to learn from its mistakes. They say history repeats itself. That’s another great example. And that’s even more extreme than just not doing homework on a regular basis. We’re talking mass extermination of millions of people, two World Wars. The point being that it’s not just the inconsequential mistakes that we make over and over again – it’s the really big ones too. I think we should all think about that. Just take some time to ponder these mistakes.

I think, at this point, I shall go off on a slight tangent and comment on Mt A’s current endeavour: the Campus Climate Challenge (C3). This is an inter-house competition to see which house can, during the month of February, reduce it’s consumption of energy (water, electricity, heat etc) the most. We had a house meeting and, through the entire meeting people, were muttering and shaking their heads the suggestion that they have to be a little more careful and considerate, just for a little while. God forbid any of us should make any effort! As a member EcoAction (the group that runs this event) and ‘Thornton’s Control Person’, I went around the house last night with signs (asking that lights be turned off when people leave the room) to put over the light switches in all the bathrooms, kitchens and lounges in the house. For the most part they’re being ignored. It might not even be as active as simply ignoring them. If told to turn off lights, most people would be fairly agreeable but the thing is that the suggestion has to be made. A sign above the light switch is too passive because one has to be aware of the switch before one will notice the sign above it. This is a rather long tangent. I’ll stop. My point is, how awesome it would be if people turned off lights when they left rooms? All I’m asking is that people care a little.

Sigh. That’s my mini rant for today. For now, in line with the theme of ‘Care a Little’, here’s one of my favourite songs: How to Save a Life by The Fray and a rather hilarious video called End of Ze World (I apologize for the bad language). Till next week …

Far from home ...

2008-01-26T11:40:00.000-04:00

11:40 am on Saturday morning. It’s absolutely gorgeous out … -17°C … but gorgeous. Clear golden sunlight, blue, blue sky … the kind of day that makes me wish it was summer so I could go sit outside under a tree. It’s a slightly sad feeling. I don’t quite know how to describe it but … do you know when you want something but it’s more a time or a place that you want, rather than a thing? It’s a different kind of want. If you want a thing you know what it is and, theoretically at least, you know how to get it. Wanting a time or a place is so much harder. It usually involves needing to go back in time, or forward, and that’s well … often impossible. Forward is ok because all you have to do is wait and eventually it’ll come. Back – not so much. But it’s not even how out of reach or possible or impossible the want is. It’s the nature of the want. I feel like if one wants a time or a place, one wants it deeply. Most of us want things in such a regular basis that it’s often a fleeting or insincere want. Wanting a place is deep and hard. Maybe not. Maybe none of you agree with me. But today, today I want a place and a time … and I want them with all my heart.

I don’t think I’m going home this summer. For a while that thought didn’t elicit anything more than vague regret. As of this morning, it makes me rather sad. A little bit of background info: I'm from a tiny little town called Kodaikanal in the south of India. Kodai (pronounced "Kodi") sits at 7,000 feet in a range of mountains called the Western Ghats and it's absoutely beautiful. Kodai is a gorgeous little town that I've spent the last fourteen years of my life in and, this morning, it's where my heart is. Here I am in pretty, -17°C Sackville, New Bruswick while my soul is far away on a hill in India.

People are starting to put up ads asking for sub-letters for the summer. I'm a potential sub-letter and although the thought of that made me feel pretty good not even two weeks ago, this morning it's making me achingly sad. I'm sitting here in my room on a gorgeous Saturday morning listening to my Dad's music and missing home more painfully than I've missed it since I got here. I guess I do want to go home. I've been saying that all I really want to do is stay here, sub let and apartment, work and try and start paying my own way through school if I can. And really, that is what I want to do but it's either home or here and, today, I want to be at home more than anywhere else in the world.

I'll end with pictures today. And one of my favourite songs that makes me think of my Dad and home and summer ...

I'm not a huge fan of the video, by the way, but it's the song I'm interested in - and you should be too.

And, pictures ...

There's a lake that's right in the center of town. Man-made, built by the British ... some 200 years ago, i would imagine. This is it at sunrise ... it's beautiful.

Ok so ... I've spent a lot of time sitting at the lake and one of the places I've spent the most time at is under this tree. Jonathan and I call it our tree and we've spent entire days sitting under it watching people go by and talking. And I can't believe I found a picture of it. God, it makes me sad ...

Kodai is at 7,000 feet remember? That's one of many, many, many views down to the plains ...

The hills and the clouds coming up ...

More mist. One of the things I love about Kodai, and miss lots now that I'm here, is mist. Mist that's actually cloud that, and because Kodai is so high up, we get shrouded in it. I miss mountains too. It's so damn flat here!

This is a mountain called Mount Perumal. I've hiked to the top of this hill a whole bunch of times. It's part of the logo of my school and, for a lot of people, like the lake, Mt Perumal represents everything about Kodai.

Perumal again, different view. This walkway is a place called Coaker's Walk (Coaker being some British dude, I assume) and it looks east. This is sunrise, obviously. I've been here for sunrises many, many times. The more memorable ones are the ones when Jona was with me.

Coaker's later in the day ...

This is the library at my school. This is a rather nice picture of it. And there's grass. I miss grass and warmth. My school is something that to me, represents everything that is Kodai. I love this place and all the people I knew there. I miss it.

p.s - Today is Republic Day in India. January 26th. It commemorates the day India's Constitution was put in place. This was three years after India gained its independence from the British. This picture is from my school at a place we called the Flag Green and it's where we did our flag hoistings on Republic Day and Independence Day. I miss home and my school and today is Republic Day so this picture is rather appropriate. Happy Republic day to all my Indian readers. Jai Hindh! : ) Um ... here's a couple You Tube videos of our National Anthem. It's a bit stlylized so if you want something a bit more "original" or something, the anthem is called Jana Gana Mana and you can do a search for that. Both the videos are the same except that the first one is the original music video made by the artists and such and the second one is the same soundtrack with a slide-show of pictures of India which is rather nice. It's a bit long. The artists, by the way, are the classical gurus of India, so to speak.

Anyway. That's a piece of me and where I come from. Hope you like it.

New start, Old Habits ...

2008-01-19T14:00:00.000-04:00

So, here’s a question: Why, no matter how hard we try and no matter how well-intentioned we are, do we fall back into the same bad habits that we claim to be trying to rid ourselves of? I’m at the end of my second week back at school and I’m right back at the state of disorder, sleep deprivation and vague panic that it took me four months to work myself into last term. It’s like my brain went: “Oh. School. Right. I know what I need to do,” and then proceeded to revert back to the state it was in right at the end of last term before the break.

In spite of the old bad habits, this semester is a chance to have a whole new start. I have new classes, new profs, new textbooks, new friends … And something that’s odd is that there’s a whole new feel to being at Mt A. I was talking to a friend about it but we couldn’t figure it out. It does feel different though. It’s neither a good new feeling nor a bad new feeling. It’s just new. And, I assume, after a while it won’t feel new any more; I’ll forget what last term felt like and this will just be how it is. Stagnation is horrible so, while change can be a little daunting sometimes, it’s always a good thing. Another thing that’s new is that I now have my own computer. Well … it’s “my own” for the next few months. Stuart, a friend of mine, got a new computer for Christmas and since he knew that I didn’t have one of my own, he offered to lend me one of his old ones. It’s really rather wonderful. Academically speaking, it makes things a lot easier because I can Google anything I don’t know or can’t figure out on my own, I can look at WebCT and Webmail and such without having to drag myself out into the cold to Dunn every time I need to check something … It also means I have Skype and I can talk to Jonathan as much as I want – for free! I can write my blogs in the comfort of my own room which is so much nicer. Generally, it’s a huge step up in life. Thank you, Stuart. You’re wonderful!

So far my New Year’s Plan seems to be doing ok, though it’s taking a little while to pick up steam. I went to SAN last night and actually had a rather decent time. We went to Dooly’s which, by the way, is really, really nice (and is actually called Uncle Larry’s), and played pool for an hour or so. I won a game. I came home and told Jonathan about it and he promptly pointed out that we’d actually played by the wrong rules and that we would have had a lot more fun if we’d played the right way. Sigh. So much for being proud of myself. Whatever. I’m generally terrible at pool and I thought it was pretty awesome. Proper rules aren’t for people who suck, anyway.

I came home after pool and listened to music and eventually (much later) went to bed. There was very loud music coming up from the Office (the first floor lounge where Friday night parties tend to take place) and there were a couple of people wrestling outside my room until 2:00 am. I had to go out and kindly request them to desist. Otherwise it was fine. I slept well.

This morning was nice. I woke up early-ish and decided to go back to sleep. I woke up a few more times and finally got out of bed at 9:45. My alarm was set for 10:00 but I hate waking up to my alarm and I didn’t end up needing that much sleep anyway. I got up, put on music, had a shower, cleaned and I’m currently doing laundry. After all the rain yesterday and the inevitable sub-zero temperatures last night, I didn’t want to venture out into the ice and so I stayed here and made myself pancakes and coffee. Pleasant morning, all in all.

It’s almost 2:00 and I haven’t done any work yet. This is a problem; I have an insanely large pile of things to do. I’m going to get started. Fight the good fight, you know. And, you know what? I’m going to share something with you. This is the theme of Indiana Jones (by John Williams) and, thanks to Nathan, it is also the theme song of my academic life at Mt A. You'll see that it makes sense. It has purpose and this air of adventure and excitement. It's just the thing one needs before starting some horribly dreary assignment or something. I think it provides just that little extra will power one always seems to lack. Anyway, here you are:

Until next week ... Peace out. : )

p.s I’d just like to make an addendum to last week’s post: While what I said may have suggested that Christina is a tyrant and I live in perpetual fear of her, she is, in fact, rather wonderful and I was only teasing. This is just for all of you to know. Christina knows already.

2008-01-04T17:59:00.000-04:00

I’m sorry I’ve been quiet for so long. The plan was to have a computer over the break but that didn’t work out and, as a result, I wasn’t blogging. I hope to be able to catch you up with all that has happened since I last wrote and, now that we’re getting back to school, I shall be back to my weekly blogging. I promise.

To begin with: Happy New Year to everyone; I hope 2008 is a wonderful year for all of you.

I didn't start this year off with a list of resolutions. I decided a long time ago that resolutions aren't the way to go; they’re like making promises that are easy to break. And promises shouldn’t be broken lightly. Instead, I have a plan. My plan is: I will do everything I can to not make the same academic mistakes I made last semester. I'm going to get involved in all the things I only gave a half-hearted commitment to before. I’m not going to lock myself out of my room more than three times because it drives Christina (my RA) nuts and I really like her and she scares me when she yells. And I’m not going to stress myself out. Of course, this isn’t a plan to be perfect because perfect is fairly impossible. But it is a plan to try and to do right by people to whom I owe that. So yes, that’s the plan. There are other miscellaneous odds and ends but that’s the heart of it. The key thing is especially important. : )

Now for the update: This Christmas my brother (Arjun) and my boyfriend (Jonathan) came from the US (Arjun from Florida and Jonathan from San Francisco) to be with me here in Sackville. I have a friend who lives off campus and she and her two roommates were going home for the break and she offered me her house. On the 20^th of December, the day after my last exam, Arjun and I moved from Thornton to 2A Estabrooks. We barely had time to sit down before I had to leave to catch the bus from here to Halifax to pick up Jonathan from the airport. I got there and spent six hours reading and listening to music and writing a letter to my parents and then, when it was finally announced that his flight had landed, I went and stood at the arrivals gate and waited and waited and he didn’t show up. When I was getting confused and a little worried I get a call on my cell phone and Jonathan says he’s already picked up his bags and is waiting for me somewhere totally different. So much for that. So much for the dramatic and long-awaited moment when I’d see him coming down the stairs and be bursting with happiness. No such thing. It’s fine though. It was enough just to be with him again. Luckily, instead of having to spend the night in a hotel in Halifax, I bumped into some friends from school who were also there to pick up a friend and we drove back to Sackville with them the same night. Everything was good after that.

Yesterday I met a friend of mine and I asked him how his break was. He said that he had a great time being at home with his brothers and not having to cook or wash dishes (he lives off campus). He asked me how my break was and I told him about my family being with me and then, with a big smile, I said, “It was great. We got to cook and wash dishes ...” The normality of a real house, a real life was incredible. It was so good that three such distanced lives got to be one life, even if it was only for a little while. It was the best Christmas I’ve had in a long time. I love Christmases at home but in this context it was the most I could have asked for and I got it. It was perfect.

Arjun left on the first day of classes (Monday) and Jonathan left on Wednesday. It was hard to see them go and now it’s hard without them. Before they arrived, Sackville was never a place where I had places and people and things remind me of them. But now that they’ve been here and shared this world with me, it seems normal that they should be here. And they’re not. And that’s ok. It’s not really ok, but it’s not impossible. We start the plod again. I feel recharged and recovered from last term. I feel ready and strong enough to deal with everything that’s coming my way.

So. Happy New Year to all of you. Happy New Year to me. It’s going to be good.